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| Teen Poetry #2 |
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hailfellow Junior Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 28 |
You slowly drift in unconscious state, Floating down the river of Time, Pulled by the current immaculate; Unknowing/enjoying a fate sublime. Accepting: no need to navigate; Not wishing to stay that guiding hand; Following the river to its fate; Riding the boat to all-man’s land. We mildly watch from the shore As your body floats slowly by. You are so easy to ignore; We have our own lives to live, to die. So you conform to this way of life In the circle that never ends. Subconsciously wallowing in self-grief With no one but your circle friends. |
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| © Copyright 2000 hailfellow - All Rights Reserved | |||
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
halifellow: this is really quite impressive... it took me longer than i feel it should have to figure out exactly what was happening to this individual floating on the "river of Time", but that may be a perceptual problem on my part as much as it may be a problem with the clarity of the work... you might want to look at that and decide for yourself which was the problem... aside from that i think this is an excellent work and well-written... sincerely, jerome the mysterious priest And their bleating was like a wet salmon slapped upon the land---slap! slap! slap! |
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hailfellow Junior Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 28 |
jerome the MP: To help clarify, this poem is to serve as a type of warning to the more conformist, crowd-following type of people with whom I attend school. What is the point in living if you walk paths identical to those around you? You should open up, experience new things, write poetry  . I don't know how to better clarify, in the poem, the character's predicament. I'd appreciate any pointers you, or anyone, could give. Thanks for the nice comments, too.-hailfellow |
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AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
Dear Hailfellow, Well, that is quite an impressive piece of poetry you have there, I am acutally a little lost for words. In many ways I think that is how a lot of peple feel and in a way it's rather unerving to have someone sum it up so well in a poem. I will be looking forward to reading more of your work in the future. Good Luck. AngelShell |
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