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Teen Poetry #2
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anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo

0 posted 2000-02-25 03:53 AM


A had a simple gift,
That I wanted to share with you.
But did you care about my gift?
No, it obviously wasn't good enough once again.

Why is it that your heart is so cold?
What have I done to deserve it?
Was my existance getting you down?
Or couldn't you cope that I was a person?

Your late night phone calls to me,
I used to think were sweet.
But now as I have seen the truth,
I realised that you were dominating.

Your pushiness and demands were unbearable,
I would rather suffer a slow death than hear you,
But you still didn't get the picture,
Even after I told you it was over.

Your worst feature was by far,
Your temper and violent ways.
Isn't the world good enough for you today hon?
Or is it that the world doesn't want you?

You suffocated me!
You made me scream!
My tears were ones of rage,
And not the lonely ones you thought they were.

All that you did,
Was spread a disease.
When you were around me I could feel it's claws,
Ripping into my heart, stomping on my soul.

I am so glad that you have gone,
For the claws have been released.
But I know that you are always watching,
Because you just can't let go.



© Copyright 2000 Elizabeth Johnson - All Rights Reserved
Jer
Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443
USA
1 posted 2000-02-26 12:45 PM


Very sad poem. I really liked the sixth stanza. The poem itself had a few typos here and there. In all, this was a very sad but wonderful poem. Good job.

 "WRITING IS EASY. ALL YOU DO IS STARE AT A BLANK SHEET OF PAPER UNTIL DROPS OF BLOOD FORM ON YOUR FOREHEAD." Gene Fowler

First__Knight
Senior Member
since 1999-11-08
Posts 678

2 posted 2000-02-27 10:17 PM


A lot of feelings released in this.  A great release of emotions in your words.  Its hard to admit that it is over for someone who demands to be in control.  Best wishes

 There are two kinds of pedestrians...the quick and the dead. Drive it like you stole it.


sunshine17
Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 89
Bonduel, WI USA
3 posted 2000-02-28 03:59 PM


Wow you really worte a good sad poem.  You released a lot of emotions that many people think and feel they can't.   I think you did a really good job.
Paul Hoekman
Member
since 1999-12-28
Posts 382
Harwinton Ct. U>S>A>
4 posted 2000-02-29 11:48 PM


This is deep
this is sad
but by the end
since you are now apart
it makes me glad.

Someone who has the ability
to put there feelings down on paper
in such a powerful way in which
I could feel your pain in my gut,
has much more to offer much kinder type
people,I'm not the judge and I don't know the whole story but it sounds like you can do better anyhow.Keep on writing continue to pour those feelings out.

poetry_kills
Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549
new orleans
5 posted 2000-03-01 06:13 PM


anonymous: i have a dear friend that had a similar experience with a friend once, so i can sympathize with this... i, for one, didn't think the poem was all that sad... more like a violent liberation piece... but then, i could be misinterpreting...

sincerely,
jerome the mysterious priest

 And their bleating was like a wet salmon
slapped upon the land---slap! slap! slap!

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