|Teen Poetry #2|
since 2000-02-02Posts 2797
A had a simple gift,
That I wanted to share with you.
But did you care about my gift?
No, it obviously wasn't good enough once again.
Why is it that your heart is so cold?
What have I done to deserve it?
Was my existance getting you down?
Or couldn't you cope that I was a person?
Your late night phone calls to me,
I used to think were sweet.
But now as I have seen the truth,
I realised that you were dominating.
Your pushiness and demands were unbearable,
I would rather suffer a slow death than hear you,
But you still didn't get the picture,
Even after I told you it was over.
Your worst feature was by far,
Your temper and violent ways.
Isn't the world good enough for you today hon?
Or is it that the world doesn't want you?
You suffocated me!
You made me scream!
My tears were ones of rage,
And not the lonely ones you thought they were.
All that you did,
Was spread a disease.
When you were around me I could feel it's claws,
Ripping into my heart, stomping on my soul.
I am so glad that you have gone,
For the claws have been released.
But I know that you are always watching,
Because you just can't let go.
|© Copyright 2000 Elizabeth Johnson - All Rights Reserved|
since 1999-12-02Posts 443
Very sad poem. I really liked the sixth stanza. The poem itself had a few typos here and there. In all, this was a very sad but wonderful poem. Good job.
"WRITING IS EASY. ALL YOU DO IS STARE AT A BLANK SHEET OF PAPER UNTIL DROPS OF BLOOD FORM ON YOUR FOREHEAD." Gene Fowler
since 1999-11-08Posts 678
A lot of feelings released in this. A great release of emotions in your words. Its hard to admit that it is over for someone who demands to be in control. Best wishes
There are two kinds of pedestrians...the quick and the dead. Drive it like you stole it.
since 2000-01-20Posts 89
Bonduel, WI USA
Wow you really worte a good sad poem. You released a lot of emotions that many people think and feel they can't. I think you did a really good job.
since 1999-12-28Posts 382
Harwinton Ct. U>S>A>
This is deep
this is sad
but by the end
since you are now apart
it makes me glad.
Someone who has the ability
to put there feelings down on paper
in such a powerful way in which
I could feel your pain in my gut,
has much more to offer much kinder type
people,I'm not the judge and I don't know the whole story but it sounds like you can do better anyhow.Keep on writing continue to pour those feelings out.
since 1999-12-04Posts 549
anonymous: i have a dear friend that had a similar experience with a friend once, so i can sympathize with this... i, for one, didn't think the poem was all that sad... more like a violent liberation piece... but then, i could be misinterpreting...
jerome the mysterious priest
And their bleating was like a wet salmon
slapped upon the land---slap! slap! slap!
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