Tthis is my actual poem please dont red the other one the tittle is called CHANCE

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Teen Poetry #2

Tthis is my actual poem please dont red the other one the tittle is called CHANCE

bbrown
New Member

since 2000-02-24

Posts 2

0 posted 2000-02-24 03:48 PM

I have loved you for three years now going on four
but,you haven't even gave me a chance,you just let me take a glance.

   I know  you dont love me now  but  give it a chance it'll come around somehow!!

I just want to drown when your not around so give me a chance because I would give my life for you
and I have always thought that way about  you and maybe someday you will feel that way to!!

bbrown
New Member

since 2000-02-24

Posts 2

1 posted 2000-02-24 03:50 PM

This is a pretty good poem. How old are you ? That is all!

Astraea
Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 378
California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now

2 posted 2000-02-24 07:48 PM

Unrequited love; don't you just hate that feeling? Perhaps a better structure and spell check will get across what you wanted to say. But blunt in feelings, which is a bit refreshing every so often, since feelings are so often referred only indistinctly and vaguely.

Nice, though.
Sorry if I couldn't be more commenting on this piece; I'm dizzy, sick, cold, injured, and it's been a bad day.

Anyone know of a good vacation spot they could invite me to?

~Astraea

"Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness."

"Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things."

[This message has been edited by Astraea (edited 02-24-2000).]

Sara
Junior Member

since 2000-02-24

Posts 27
LaCrosse WI, United States

3 posted 2000-02-24 07:55 PM

I like what your poem is saying. Although I agree with Astraea on the structure, I think it's a great poem.

Jer
Member

since 1999-12-02

Posts 443
USA

4 posted 2000-02-24 10:14 PM

Welcome To Passions! This was an interesting piece of writing. I to agree with the above comments though. You need to work on the structure and the spelling. Other then that is was good.

P.S. Check your e-mail!

"WRITING IS EASY. ALL YOU DO IS STARE AT A BLANK SHEET OF PAPER UNTIL DROPS OF BLOOD FORM ON YOUR FOREHEAD." Gene Fowler

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