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| Teen Poetry #2 |
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armanca Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211Tennessee |
As I stood in the window Looking at the back of my mind I took an elevator down And made a stop at my heart. I stared for a moment… Not knowing what to do. Then I walked towards the door And peeped through the hole. I saw many faces there My first love… an unknown venture that was to young to discover. (I smiled at you) Over by the corner, I saw another… The one I had to let go. I felt a warmth there But knew it was nothing more. I saw the love that died And I found myself crying. Missing him after all this time I cried for the love that I didn't get to have. I saw Him… The one who hurts me. He sat in the back hitting the wall Leaving a dull constant pain That never goes away. I saw the one, who desires me, But I'm afraid he's lost. Passion is confusing his place here. I saw friends and other lovers Who pretended… Their way into my heart. I saw my far away treasure Which made me reach for the door. I wanted to go to him for comfort I made my way inside And I searched for him When I came upon him He looked at me and said, "My far away love, I think you pretended me here" And he walked right out the door. Devastated…I fell to the floor As I looked down I noticed that he had Left something behind It was a key…the key to me And I smiled… I knew he'd be back After he makes a trip Down to his heart And finds me waiting there. ~Carman~ **Jerome...I think this is the one you wanted me to post here.  |
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| © Copyright 2000 Carman - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina |
I don't even know what to say. The usual *nice poem, I can relate* doesn't do you justice. I rode down that elevator with you, saw everything you saw, and felt all your mixed up emotions. Almost everyone you spoke of is a shadow of a person who I know I would find inside my own heart if I were to take a trip down there. You've utterly amazed me. And your ending was a perfect closing to the piece. "The bullets you bite from the pain you request, you're finding harder to digest" -Collective Soul |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
That's a real nice poem. It's like a story where you can follow you every step of the way. That was great! Hope you post more! Salma "Not all the answers lie within your realm or mine, they lie within the borders." |
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armanca Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211Tennessee |
Lyric... I have to say that i've very appreciative of your kind words. There is a little bit of ones "self" in some part of every poem. I'm glad you were able to visual mine. Saloom... Thank you for your words!! Carman |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
carman: i think i previously went into more detail on this one, but to restate the main points: i dig it  keep writing...sincerely, jerome the mysterious priest Disarm you with a smile And leave you like they left me here To wither in denial The bitterness of one who's left alone --[billy corgan]-- |
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