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Teen Poetry #2
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since 1999-07-07
Posts 211

0 posted 2000-02-22 04:30 PM

As I stood in the window
Looking at the back of my mind
I took an elevator down
And made a stop at my heart.
I stared for a moment…
Not knowing what to do.
Then I walked towards the door
And peeped through the hole.

I saw many faces there
My first love…
an unknown venture
that was to young to discover.
(I smiled at you)

Over by the corner,
I saw another…
The one I had to let go.
I felt a warmth there
But knew it was nothing more.

I saw the love that died
And I found myself crying.
Missing him after all this time
I cried for the love
that I didn't get to have.

I saw Him…
The one who hurts me.
He sat in the back hitting the wall
Leaving a dull constant pain
That never goes away.

I saw the one, who desires me,
But I'm afraid he's lost.
Passion is confusing his place here.

I saw friends and other lovers
Who pretended…
Their way into my heart.

I saw my far away treasure
Which made me reach for the door.
I wanted to go to him for comfort
I made my way inside
And I searched for him
When I came upon him
He looked at me and said,

"My far away love,
I think you pretended me here"
And he walked right out the door.
Devastated…I fell to the floor
As I looked down
I noticed that he had
Left something behind
It was a key…the key to me

And I smiled…
I knew he'd be back
After he makes a trip
Down to his heart
And finds me waiting there.


**Jerome...I think this is the one you wanted me to post here.  

© Copyright 2000 Carman - All Rights Reserved
Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528
North Carolina
1 posted 2000-02-22 05:25 PM

I don't even know what to say. The usual *nice poem, I can relate* doesn't do you justice. I rode down that elevator with you, saw everything you saw, and felt all your mixed up emotions. Almost everyone you spoke of is a shadow of a person who I know I would find inside my own heart if I were to take a trip down there. You've utterly amazed me. And your ending was a perfect closing to the piece.

 "The bullets you bite from the pain you request, you're finding harder to digest" -Collective Soul

Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781

2 posted 2000-02-22 07:50 PM

That's a real nice poem. It's like a story where you can follow you every step of the way. That was great! Hope you post more!


 "Not all the answers lie within your realm or mine, they lie within the borders."

since 1999-07-07
Posts 211
3 posted 2000-02-24 04:24 PM

Lyric... I have to say that i've very appreciative of your kind words.  There is a little bit of ones "self" in some part of every poem.  I'm glad you were able to visual mine.

Saloom... Thank you for your words!!


Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549
new orleans
4 posted 2000-02-29 12:05 PM

carman: i think i previously went into more detail on this one, but to restate the main points: i dig it    keep writing...

jerome the mysterious priest

 Disarm you with a smile
And leave you like they left me here
To wither in denial
The bitterness of one who's left alone
--[billy corgan]--

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