»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #2
»
I've got a different view now....
| Teen Poetry #2 |
|
I've got a different view now.... |
|
|
Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
I've got a different view of life now. Can't show you how I've changed. I've sipped water from love's fountain. Can't show you how much I care. I wonder why I roll in thunder, When life goes wrong one day. And why do I assume accusations, That you have never shared with me. Can't take my heart away now, When I've held on so strong. Can't beat me with your worries. Can't kill me with your shame. I've been in such a hurry, And now my heart is sore. I've got a different view now. I'm not looking back anymore. [This message has been edited by Ron (06-25-2011 10:18 AM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Salooma - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
sweetcollege_girl Senior Member
since 1999-12-03
Posts 872just about where I want to be |
can't think of a title, but I wanted to tell you I loved your poem  stay cool  ~~Lavada~~ "For every beauty, there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth, there is an ear somewhere to hear it For every love, there is a heart somewhere to receive it".--Ivan Panin |
||
|
poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
salooma: i like this one a lot  the only confusing part to me was the 3rd line "I've sipped water from the fountain"... i dont feel you're giving the reader enough information here to give any meaning to that statement... perhaps explain what the fountain is (a fountain of pain, of love, of wisdom or understanding??) to help the reader understand your intentions there...sincerely, jerome the melancholy priest Disarm you with a smile And leave you like they left me here To wither in denial The bitterness of one who's left alone --[billy corgan]-- |
||
|
LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina |
Yay! This poem sounds like you are triumphing over something, so I'm sharing your joy. (I may be way off, feel free to correct me) I read so much beauty in your words. This was awsome. "The bullets you bite from the pain you request, you're finding harder to digest" -Collective Soul |
||
|
Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
Thanks for the replies. SCG: Thanks a lot....I thought of some sort of title, I guess. Jerome: You're right there should be an explaination to the third line and I guess the fountain I'm refering to is the fountain of love, youth, happiness all combined. I really don't know how I should change it any suggestions?? You're always good at that. LyricFetish: You're absoulutly right! This is a triumph, for me at least. It's breaking away sort of and that's what it's all about. Thanks for noticing that! And thanks for the comment. Salma "Not all the answers lie within your realm or mine, they lie within the borders." |
||
|
Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
Just bumping it up for any more suggestions Salma "Not all the answers lie within your realm or mine, they lie within the borders." |
||
|
faith Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 89 |
Very nice peom salma Keep it up!faith |
||
|
Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
Thanks faith...glad you liked it. I've been gone a while, so I'm gonna try and go back and read as many poems as I can cause it seems i've missed a lot... Salma "Not all the answers lie within your realm or mine, they lie within the borders." |
||
|
sunshine17 Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 89Bonduel, WI USA |
That's a really goood poem. I really enjoyed it. Here's my e-mail address, feel free to use it anytime. [email protected] Take care and keep up the good work! Gina |
||
|
Danny Holloway Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034Tulsa, OK |
I like your expression in this poem. And the view you have in the end seem so appropriate. After having read several of your poems, i've developed an appreciation of your work. I especially liked "Goodbye". Keep up the good writing. |
||
|
ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
Neat poem!! Glad you are back, keep posting! Love and hugs, Lizzie |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
