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A home without a wall, |
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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Unanswered Vengence |
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Nights Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 56 |
Don't lessen my life To better yours Cause i'd ruin mine To ruin yours Why can't you give It to me straight Whatever's holding Your mouth closed Swallow and speak You lash out at Me with cold blood Beat me to the wall Spike me up with glares Don't take me down To prop you up Cause i'd sell my Soul, to purchase yours "It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh it's my mouth that pushes out this breath..."-FTE [This message has been edited by Nights (edited 02-15-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Nights - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina |
I like the way you throw questions at the subject of your poem. It makes it more powerful. I would probably call this "Vengeance", or something along those lines. Good job! |
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Nights Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 56 |
Thankx for your reply. I wrote this after my brother told me we might be moving in about a year or so, which would be my senior year. And adjusting to a new school for just a year, senior year, i don't think i'd be able to, would want to do it... "It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh it's my mouth that pushes out this breath..."-FTE |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
Hello Nights - Check out the Teen/Mentor Lounge, I've posted something for you there.  I like your poem, and the way you've presented it. The questions, which seem almost rhetorical, cause the eye to flow down the page quickly...it elicits the feeling of helplessness and anger. As far as a title suggestion goes, how about Give It Straight, or Unanswered. Keep up the good work! May I never be too busy to help another's load, Then I'll be drinking from the saucer 'cause my cup has overflowed. --Author Unknown |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
Wow....I think this is a great poem! I like the way you showed power in every line. Great! Salma |
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Nights Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 56 |
Thankx for the replies, i've decided that the title should be Unanswered Vengence, as you can see...thankx again "It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh it's my mouth that pushes out this breath..."-FTE |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Very powerful, this packs quite a punch. Good work! Btw, I love the quote you have. *Krista Knutson* There is a melancholy that stems from greatness. ~*Chamfort*~ |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
nights: wonderful poem man... i really like it a lot... have to tell you though, i moved the summer before my senior year... *heh* i wont tell you how it went... but if you do move, make sure you can prove that 1. you aren't a narcotics agent, 2. you aren't a janitor... it'll save you a lot of crap... *heh* sincerely, jerome the melancholy priest Disarm you with a smile And leave you like they left me here To wither in denial The bitterness of one who's left alone --[billy corgan]-- |
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hoppy Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271 |
I must say AWSOME poem!! "If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity." Don't look... you might see. Don't listen... you might hear. Don't think... you might learn. Don't walk... you might stumble. Don't run... you might fall. Don't make a decision... you might be wrong. Don't live...you might die. |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
Great Poem. I know what it's like to move in your senior year. I did that last year. Things worked out fine. To tell you the truth, I learn more about myself in the experience then ever. "WRITING IS EASY. ALL YOU DO IS STARE AT A BLANK SHEET OF PAPER UNTIL DROPS OF BLOOD FORM ON YOUR FOREHEAD." Gene Fowler |
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