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Teen Poetry #2

Broken friendship

TearsOfPearls
Member

since 1999-09-23

Posts 322
Vereeniging, South-Africa

0 posted 2000-02-13 02:58 AM

I thought I could trust you,
thought you were my friend.
I guess sooner or later
all good things must come to an end.

I can't believe you said that,
I can't believe it's true.
I have heard some terrible things before,
but never expected it from you.

But I will make it through
because I am strong.
I woun't allow this pain in my heart
to last very long.

I will rise like the phoenix
from this ashes of hurt and pain,
and the words from your mouth
will never hurt me again.

LyricFetish
Senior Member

since 2000-01-13

Posts 528
North Carolina

1 posted 2000-02-13 05:28 PM

I can see exactly what you are saying through this poem. It's well written . I hope you do overcome what was said, and good luck on your future writing.

TearsOfPearls
Member

since 1999-09-23

Posts 322
Vereeniging, South-Africa

2 posted 2000-02-13 09:50 PM

Thank you Fetish

Jer
Member

since 1999-12-02

Posts 443
USA

3 posted 2000-02-14 06:58 PM

TearsOfPearls, I like this one alot. I really like the last stanza and how you made pain and hurt seem like ashes. Great imagery!Good job.

"WRITING IS EASY. ALL YOU DO IS STARE AT A BLANK SHEET OF PAPER UNTIL DROPS OF BLOOD FORM ON YOUR FOREHEAD." Gene Fowler

TearsOfPearls
Member

since 1999-09-23

Posts 322
Vereeniging, South-Africa

4 posted 2000-02-14 11:49 PM

Thanks Jer, and thank you for the welcome back the previous time, didn't think anyone would notice

poetry_kills
Senior Member

since 1999-12-04

Posts 549
new orleans

5 posted 2000-02-15 10:52 PM

tearsofpearls: this is very good work... i like the pheonix imagery in the final stanza... i dont care much for the cliche in line 4 though... you might want to see what you could do about fixing that...

sincerely,
jerome the melancholy priest

A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
~Coleridge

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