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What Did You do?
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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What Did You do? |
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angel6917 Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 478WI |
What did you do that made me fall so hard for you? What did you say to me on that most fateful day? What did I do that hopefully could have impressed you? Did I say anything to help you to feel that way? Will I ever have a chance to make my feelings turn into a romance? ~Kristi Lynn For Todd from Oconto "Why does no one sees how hard I cry?" -Me [This message has been edited by angel6917 (edited 02-08-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kristi Stanczak - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Kristi, if Todd can't see how sweet you are, then that boy is blind~ don't waste good love on one who won't return it!  -SEA |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
angel: this a very heartfelt and very good poem, but i feel that the 4th stanza is somehow out of place... i just dont feel like that's what you meant to say... it seems to interrupt the strong feelings of the poem ("fall hard", "Fateful", "hopeful") and bring in this feeling of flaccidity ("okay")... you might want to work on that stanza a bit and bring it up to par with the others... aside from that i think you have a great poem here sincerely, jerome the mysterious priest A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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Danny Holloway Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034Tulsa, OK |
Kristi, your writing has a sensitivity that's refreshing. Look for more from you, Danny |
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rich-pa Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317New Orleans, Louisiana |
yeah, i pretty much dug the poem too, love. a good love poem is refreshing, bu ti'm gonna reiterate what jerome said, i think that fourth stanza just doesn't seem to fit,i think it would sound better if it was fixed. "that's my opinion i could be wrong" rich-pa |
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angel6917 Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 478WI |
Thanks for all of your replies. I did change it, and I want to thank my friend Nate for giving me the idea. Do you all think it's any better? Let me know... ~Kristi Lynn "Why does no one sees how hard I cry?" -Me |
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Cuddlez Member
since 1999-11-27
Posts 422Walla Walla, WA 99362 |
Very good poem. Refreshing. Brings be back to another time that seems so long ago even though it wasn't. Time flies? Say it not so, time stays we go. |
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Majestic Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 264houston, tx. |
truly a heartfelt poem...good job... "To live is to love; To truly LOVE is to live!" ~kg~ |
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angel6917 Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 478WI |
Again, thank you all for your replies. It means a lot to know what people think of my poetry, especially since it's hard for me to put my feelings into words. ~Kristi Lynn "Why does no one sees how hard I cry?" -Me |
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