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Teen Poetry #2
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Battle in my heart
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Battle in my heart |
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jytree Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 336omaha ark usa |
Dawn approaches.. Here I stand, With my body scared by the resent battles. This is my war I fight my worst fear. I fight once more with myself!!. Strugle and torment is my comfort in this passing day, Do I wimper? No I sit here like the rock I am and deal with it. So much pain, Too many scars to show This is what I face alone, This is my battle I face in my heart!!. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Michael Jay vaughn - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jytree Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 336omaha ark usa |
well I must say shorter than I usually do but I will do better next time time is short to me right now please don't think of me depressed I just have a lot of things bottle up inside me and potery helps me let it all out so thank you for read my work as long as you like it I will keep it comming |
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S3NSATION18 Junior Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 31 |
i really liked your poem..yes it was short but the emotion shown through it was very strong...keep up the good work...kristina |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
jytree: this is really good... the imagery is familiar for some reason... i think it's reminiscent of a Donne poem, but i'm not sure... might have been Byron *heh*... anyway, good job... i think the brevity adds to the poem in this sense... it gives it more of a sense of urgency... sincerely, jerome the boy with no brain A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
I like it. You said a lot with out getting to wordy and full of context. If you need to talk about those bottled up emotions e-mail me. I like to give advice and sometimes just listen. "WRITING IS EASY. ALL YOU DO IS STARE AT A BLANK SHEET OF PAPER UNTIL DROPS OF BLOOD FORM ON YOUR FOREHEAD." Gene Fowler |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Definitely good work, not too wordy, but with so much said. Keep it up!  *Krista Knutson* One lives in the hope of becoming a memory. ~*Antonio Porchia*~ |
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jytree Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 336omaha ark usa |
thanks for being nice I try show off my work not for myself but to share others I am not the greatiest but I fave a good thing so far |
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