|Teen Poetry #2|
|A couple of minutes|
since 2000-02-05Posts 2
A couple of minutes I feared were our last,
A couple of minutes, flash backs of the past
A couple of minutes, I though Id be alone
A couple of minutes, our voice on the phone
One last wisper, One last fight
One last love, One last night
Never so scared, never so alone
Never so releive to hear the ring of the phone
Dont take my soul, Dont take my life
Your the only man, I want to make a wife
Don't leave me frightened, all by myself, your the only star in my sky,
stay with me forever, Or Ill be next to die!
I'll do anything you wish, to want me and you to keep going,
Keep the love for real, and forever growing.
Please keep my love, my best friend, no matter what we go through,
Promise we'll stick together in everything we do
Forget the hurt, forget the past, lets make our love, so it will always last
Never leave me alone to be byy myself in this world of hate,
Remember the beach, our very first date?
I love you forever, no matter what you do, pleae dont go back to that night, or all of me will die to
A couple of minutes , you called me whack
A couple of minutes , I almost looked back.
[This message has been edited by *TruAngel* (edited 02-05-2000).]
|© Copyright 2000 Angel Montague - All Rights Reserved|
since 2000-01-27Posts 271
i really like this poem, the theme of "one last...." really makes you think.
the thing that bothered me was the flow of the lines, a few of the lines with 2-3 commas really tripped me up. Maybe you could shorten the lines with more concise wording?
the ending of the poem i like
"A couple of minutes , you called me whack
A couple of minutes , I almost looked back."
not really sure why, just like those 2 lines
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since 1999-11-09Posts 378
California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now
Welcome to Passions! Lovely poem. I, too, like the last two lines. Something very sharp about them. Nice.
"Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness."
"Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things."
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