a poem for the sweet guys - pipTalk Forums

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Tamma

Senior Member

since 2000-01-17

Posts 794
In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV

0 posted 2000-02-05 09:56 AM

Don’t take it out on the sweethearts,
When you have a rough day.

Not all guys are jerks,
Just like not all girls are innocent.

I, myself, have been hurt by jerks,
But, in turn, I have hurt nice guys.

A lil over a year ago,
I met a loving cutie.

Always there for me,
Always there to listen.

And to be quite honest,
I couldn’t help when I fell in love.

I have never hurt this sweetie,
And I hope this sweetie never hurts me.

But I know no matter what,
I can always talk to him.

I have even turned a jerk around,
And showed him what he puts his “girls” through.

Even once, I had a guy tell me he regretted what he did,
It was too late then, I was already wearing the ring of another.

Everytyme a girl gets hurt,
It’s easier to move on.

And forget the pain,
From the jerks in the past.

But occasionally theres “the one” you thought would last,
And he leaves you there to die of a broken heart.

When that happens, it’s hard to move on,
But you have to push forward.

Let them know that no matter what they did,
They made you come out a stronger person.

[This message has been edited by Tamma (edited 02-06-2000).]

poetry_kills
Senior Member

since 1999-12-04

Posts 549
new orleans

1 posted 2000-02-05 08:36 PM

tamma: i really like the idea behind this poem, but i have to say that i'm a little disappointed in the way it came out... really i think with just a little work you could bring this one up to the standard of your others... i'd really like to see you make the verses a little more regimented... some are extremely long, while others are only a few syllables in length... also, you use the word "sweethearts" in each of the first 4 stanzas... i really feel that you should variate that... perhaps substitute "caring men" or "romantics" for "sweethearts" in some of those lines... i think you have a good thing going here, but at the same time i know that with a little effort you can make it what it deserves to be...

sincerely,
jerome the boy with no brain

A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
~Coleridge

Tamma

Senior Member

since 2000-01-17

Posts 794
In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV

2 posted 2000-02-06 12:58 PM

ive switched this around as best i could, while int he middle of talking to my "sweetheart"

*how was i to kno that today id meet someone like you? how was i to see the light with him in my path and you too far to touch?*

poetry_kills
Senior Member

since 1999-12-04

Posts 549
new orleans

3 posted 2000-02-06 05:57 PM

tamma: i like it much better this way

sincerely,
jerome the boy whose inordinately happy today

Alina Le Ann
Junior Member

since 2000-01-30

Posts 40
INDIANA

4 posted 2000-02-06 07:11 PM

This poem is definately one that will make you think about a lot of things in your past...and even in your future....I know from personal experience (SP?) that guys can be total jerks....but I also know from the relationship that I'm in now that there are still a few great guys out there....
I like the way you expressed your thoughts in this...thank you for sharing!

Alina Le Ann

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