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Letting Go
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Letting Go |
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Smore Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 67el paso |
I told you I loved you But you had nothing to say I tried to hold you And you push me away So instead of begging I'm letting you go I'm smiling through tears So this pain won't show It's hard to accept you're moving on But know I'll always be here for you I'm always willing to listen Whether you're happy or feeling blue I can't hear about new girls Because it still hurts too much And I can't hear about your dates And things of that such I still miss you all of the time Things aren't the same for me I can do nothing but accept it All you wanted was to be free. [This message has been edited by Smore (edited 02-04-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Smore - All Rights Reserved | |||
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
smore: i like the sentiment of this poem and the way you express it, but i feel that the verse becomes awkward in certain places in stanza's 4 & 5... you suddenly lengthen the lines from 5 or 6 syllables to 9 or 10... you might consider redrafting the poem in an attempt to shorten those stanzas a bit... i think it would read more smoothly that way... just a suggestion... sincerely, jerome the boy with no brain A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Very strong and heartfelt work, Smore. If you wish to make this flow a little easier, Jerome gives some good advice. Great job though!  *Krista Knutson* One lives in the hope of becoming a memory. ~*Antonio Porchia*~ |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
I echo all the above comments. Let Jerome help and he'll make you wonderful poem into a masterpiece! |
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Alina Le Ann Junior Member
since 2000-01-30
Posts 40INDIANA |
This poem is .....well....how can I put this???...... WOW!!! This is just great! I can really relate to this.... the way you worded it the way it flows....I'm amazed! I really enjoyed it and I look forward to finding more of your work!!! Alina Le Ann |
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