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| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Open views |
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ryun Junior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 33elsinore, ca, usa |
The thoguhts and minds No one see's Underneath it's simple to be You hide yourself and show expectations of thee Living from t.v Learning from the show our style, our originality Stolen by mean people =) We just have to be Be as we are, Thats my expectations.. And they take me far To think whats right It's real It's new All that matters is your own point of view... [This message has been edited by ryun (edited 02-02-2000).] |
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sweetcollege_girl Senior Member
since 1999-12-03
Posts 872just about where I want to be |
loved the poem! still a few misspelled words...sorry to sound like an english teacher, but my mother was hard on me when it came to spelling...great poem once again!  ~~Lavada "Superiority to fate is difficult to learn. 'Tis not conferred by any, but possible to earn"--Emily Dickinson-"Superiority of Fate" |
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hoppy Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271 |
the way you write is very interesting to read. i like this poem, depicts very well how we're all taken over and striped of ourselves through society. sad indeed "Which is the dream?" SUBMIT YOUR POETRY HERE, AWSOME PAGE. http://members.xoom.com/weeklyhoppy |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
I would like you to explain to me what a hoe is. If it is what I think it is then I don't like it very much. It is vulgarity and I don't approve. (Although I do know that a hoe is a tool you use in a garden but I don't think that is what you are refering to in this poem). I would like an explaination either here or via e-mail, otherwise I may have to edit the word out. Thanks, Marilyn. |
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ryun Junior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 33elsinore, ca, usa |
I'm sorry marlyn for my language.. But i don't mean what you think I mean. I'm using that word as a description not literal... But you ccan't put boundries on expression no matter what... |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
ryun: i like this poem for the most part... i have to agree with marilyn on the use of "hoe" however... also, i would like to say that i think that single word cheapens the entire poem... vulgar words are not a means of expression for the poet (except when used with deep forethought)... rather they are trite and common words that steal what true meaning the poem might have had and detract from the author's intent... i hope you'll consider some changes... perhaps substituting the word "fools" or "zombies"... sincerely, jerome the boy with no brain A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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ryun Junior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 33elsinore, ca, usa |
you guys need to learn not to express your opinions on others or something.. i write what comes out i don't think about grammer or spelling none of that.. we speak diffarently use diff words this is what i used.. what you see is what you get please no more critic replys on my writings these are expressions never taken back if so they would only lack.. the meanings the feelings of all thats thought... |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
Ryun: Jerome and Marilyn are not attacking you and nor are they forcing their opinions opon you. Yes you may write what comes out but there are rules to the forum. You need to use your discretion on what is appropriate and what isn't. By posting your "writings" anyone can reply to them as they wish. Whether or not it will be constructive criticism or praise, they have the right to voice an opinion opon your work. |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
thank you jer... i agree wholeheartedly... i am not attacking you ryun, nor am i attacking your feelings or poetry... i simply want you to understand that there are rules that one must abide by to live in any society... this forum is it's own small online society, and as such it has rules (or "laws") that it asks its "citizens" to follow... i guarantee you that no one here desires to hinder your ability to express yourself, but we do, however, ask that you abide by the rules of the forum while you are in the forum... also, i will refer you again to my statement about the quality (or lack thereof) of profane words in writing... i will respect your wishes though, and not give anymore critical analysis of your poems (as i do for most other people)... hoping that you'll reconsider your statements, jerome the boy with no brain A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
ryun...I would like to get this very clear before I leave it alone. What you are saying here is, you don't want anyone to reply to your poem unless it is a pat on the back. Even when they don't really think that? Well my boy, what this will do is limit the responses you will get from your pieces. If this is what you want from me I will respect that BUT if you go breaking the guidelines of this forum I will edit and delete. that is part of my job and my proirity is to Ron and this board. As long as we understand eachother we will get alone fine. thanks, Marilyn |
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ryun Junior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 33elsinore, ca, usa |
No marilyn thats not what i mean I'm sorry i ever used the word ho*`s Every wher I go I see My thoughts projected for you to see Explain to me Explain thee dummdeedumm.... |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
I wish you would explain fully what it is you want from us then ryan. |
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ryun Junior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 33elsinore, ca, usa |
I don't want anything Can't you see I just want my thoughts expressed for your eyes to see. Just let me be Or maybe I should just leave I think we just got off on the wrong foot.. do you talk on irc marilyn? if you would like to talk on ther e-mail me the server and room you talk on.. |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
ryun, don't feel that you have to leave. All you need to do is simply follow the rules and understand that to post here is to open your work up to all sorts of comments. Thats pretty much all there is to it. No one is looking for a fight on the issue, just for the vulgarities to be removed. That is all, no one is attacking you or your work. *Krista Knutson* One lives in the hope of becoming a memory. ~*Antonio Porchia*~ |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Krista is right. We are not trying to pick a fight, we just want everyone to follow the guidleines. We all agreed to them when we registered. I will not agrue farther, there is nothing to debate. The guidelines are clear and the moderators are here to make sure they are followed. It is very simple. I do not want you to leave!! Far from it. I want us all to co-exist in a comfortable setting. Please stay and please follow the guidelines. Anything that is outside of those guidelines will be removed or you will be asked to remove it. It is that simple. ok? |
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ryun Junior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 33elsinore, ca, usa |
yes mamm =) |
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