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Teen Poetry #2
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You are like the diamond
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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You are like the diamond |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697
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You are like the diamond You glimmer and glow And shine so brightly Some, like me, draw close To feel your warmth, your heat Only to find none You are like the diamond You are bright and strong But you have no warmth, or love It’s a terrible game To play with people’s hearts Like mine You are like the diamond You will last longer than most But you will have no love No warmth to back up that bright light So what kind of life will it be? Besides long? Will you regret it someday? Regret being so much like the diamond Regret being so cold And look for me A find me gone? Can I ever leave? No, I can never leave you I am drawn to this cold light This false sense of warmth you give I keep wishing and hoping That someday you will give warmth and love But this will never be Diamonds last forever "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world" |
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| © Copyright 2000 Erica N. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
Hey LoveBug.... I like how you used the diamonds this poem. Remember, love my come and go... but friends are there forever. Well, I'm atleast! =) |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
Great poem, as always LoveBug Jer!! Welcome back!!! I missed you  I am not a poet, I am merely one who speaks in emotion |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
lovebug: i LOVE conceits!! *Waa haa haa* anyway... to your poem... i love the diamond analogy and what you do with it in the poem... i find that a lot of poets have trouble carrying a metaphor or idea all the way through the poem and i think you do a beautiful job of that here... there are only a few minor details that i think you could improve to give the poem a better flow... the last lines of the 2nd & 3rd stanzas seem a bit awkward with their short verse (in comparison with the rest)... perhaps just lengthen them a bit to something like "hearts like mine" and "besides too long?"... just a few extra syllables would give the poem a much smoother feel to it i think... very good job and i can't wait to see your next conceit... sincerely, jerome the boy who needs to pee but can't because his roomate's in the shower :> |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Hey everyone! Thanks for the nice comments and suggestions. I'm new to free-form. Welcome back, Jer!!! C-ya on ICQ "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world" |
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Bronx Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 84Oviedo, Florida, U.S. |
Yeah- I know exactly what your talking about. I think!? My interpretation was that someone could be so nice and you like 'em and stuff but they don't have the right emostions to back up their good looks! I think. Am I close at all? Poetically yours Bronx Be careful! It's a jungle out there! |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Great work! I love the diamond analogy, it's a great way to show how cold hearted other people can sometimes be. Wonderful job, Love Bug, I am impressed. *Krista Knutson* One lives in the hope of becoming a memory. ~*Antonio Porchia*~ |
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faith Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 89 |
Hey friend nice work! faith |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Bronx, the person I wrote this about has good looks and has a nice manner, but when you get down to it, he is...well, like the diamond. Thanks for the nice comments, everyone! "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world" |
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