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Teen Poetry #2
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Junior Member
since 2000-01-30
Posts 13

0 posted 2000-01-30 09:25 PM

*till the end of eternity*
I will be there
Next to you
Helping you
Loving you
Nothing will make me stop
Not a flood
Not a bomb
My love to you is great
And nothing will destroy it
It can only get better
Not worse
Cause I am devoted to you
Until the end of eternity

© Copyright 2000 Richard "Voyce" Melick - All Rights Reserved
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

1 posted 2000-01-30 11:11 PM

Nice job discribing true love and what people will do to protect it. Welcome to Passions!  

 "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world"

Junior Member
since 2000-01-30
Posts 15

2 posted 2000-01-30 11:16 PM

Very well done....Love comes and goes but the true ones are there to stay!! They stay around to help you when you are down and all of that other fun stuff!!


since 1999-11-09
Posts 378
California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now
3 posted 2000-01-30 11:35 PM

Welcome to Passions!  Lovely poem.


 "Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness."

"Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things."

Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682
San Jose, CA, USA
4 posted 2000-01-30 11:40 PM

Nice poem, welcome, uhm, back to passions Ender  

 I am not a poet, I am merely one who speaks in emotion

since 1999-12-02
Posts 443
5 posted 2000-01-30 11:43 PM

Good job....  it truly is great to love someone that much!  Great work!
Alina Le Ann
Junior Member
since 2000-01-30
Posts 40
6 posted 2000-01-31 12:12 PM

Very nice!!!

This very much describes love at it's best!!!


Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549
new orleans
7 posted 2000-01-31 01:55 AM

voyce: this is a pretty good poem... it actually reminds me of one of the love sonnets i wrote (of course, in a rather different format)... i can't say i care too much for all the simplistic words you chose, but i assume that you chose them just for that reason: they were simple... anyway, i only have two suggestions (you may take or leave them): the first is the "not a bomb" line... i just dont like the way it fits with the rest of the poem... it seems out of place... perhaps replace it with something like "nor death"... i think that would flow better with the themes you're working with... also, the lines "it can only get better/ not worse"... better is just too common for a love poem such as this... try to think of an eloquent and expressive word or line... perhaps something like "my love will blossom with life/ never fade"... just my ideas from reading the poem... also, i notice that it's your first time here... i'd just like to say welcome to passions and, in particular, to the teen forum... hopefully we'll hear more from you in the future...

jerome the boy that has to pee, but can't cause his roomate's in the shower *ugh*

 A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!

Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada
8 posted 2000-01-31 09:16 AM

Welcome to Passions!   I enjoyed reading this piece and I relate to the topic. Well Done. Check your e-mail for a special welcome.

Poetry Kills....Well hun your are a guy aren't you? Go find a bush some

Junior Member
since 2000-01-30
Posts 13
9 posted 2000-01-31 11:07 AM

Well, i guess this is the biggest response i have ever had to a poem.  this int my first poem to post, but it is the first i posted under this screen name.  ummm.....i guess i just wanna say thanx all for your comments.  
              (Formerly known as Ender)
PS.  Thanx Mistikman

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