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Teen Poetry #2
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Till the end of eternity
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Till the end of eternity |
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Voyce Junior Member
since 2000-01-30
Posts 13Colorado |
*till the end of eternity* I will be there Next to you Helping you Loving you Nothing will make me stop Not a flood Not a bomb Nothing My love to you is great And nothing will destroy it It can only get better Not worse Cause I am devoted to you Until the end of eternity |
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| © Copyright 2000 Richard "Voyce" Melick - All Rights Reserved | |||
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Nice job discribing true love and what people will do to protect it. Welcome to Passions!  "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world" |
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KiKi Junior Member
since 2000-01-30
Posts 15 |
Very well done....Love comes and goes but the true ones are there to stay!! They stay around to help you when you are down and all of that other fun stuff!! KiKi |
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Astraea Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 378California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now |
Welcome to Passions! Lovely poem. ~Astraea "Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness." "Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things." |
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
Nice poem, welcome, uhm, back to passions Ender I am not a poet, I am merely one who speaks in emotion |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
Good job.... it truly is great to love someone that much! Great work! |
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Alina Le Ann Junior Member
since 2000-01-30
Posts 40INDIANA |
Very nice!!! This very much describes love at it's best!!! Alina |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
voyce: this is a pretty good poem... it actually reminds me of one of the love sonnets i wrote (of course, in a rather different format)... i can't say i care too much for all the simplistic words you chose, but i assume that you chose them just for that reason: they were simple... anyway, i only have two suggestions (you may take or leave them): the first is the "not a bomb" line... i just dont like the way it fits with the rest of the poem... it seems out of place... perhaps replace it with something like "nor death"... i think that would flow better with the themes you're working with... also, the lines "it can only get better/ not worse"... better is just too common for a love poem such as this... try to think of an eloquent and expressive word or line... perhaps something like "my love will blossom with life/ never fade"... just my ideas from reading the poem... also, i notice that it's your first time here... i'd just like to say welcome to passions and, in particular, to the teen forum... hopefully we'll hear more from you in the future... sincerely, jerome the boy that has to pee, but can't cause his roomate's in the shower *ugh* A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Welcome to Passions! I enjoyed reading this piece and I relate to the topic. Well Done. Check your e-mail for a special welcome.Poetry Kills....Well hun your are a guy aren't you? Go find a bush some place...lol. |
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Voyce Junior Member
since 2000-01-30
Posts 13Colorado |
Well, i guess this is the biggest response i have ever had to a poem. this int my first poem to post, but it is the first i posted under this screen name. ummm.....i guess i just wanna say thanx all for your comments. -Voyce (Formerly known as Ender) PS. Thanx Mistikman |
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