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Teen Poetry #2

Title needed

Tamma

Senior Member

since 2000-01-17

Posts 794
In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV

0 posted 2000-01-30 10:23 AM

Every day
I see your face fade away
to black it goes
anyone knows
where is goes.
If all is past,
why must it go so fast?
He always said he loved me,
but I just wanted to be free.
Now hes free and I'm taken,
and yet he thinks I'm fakin'.
His love aint worth all he says it is,
I’d have more fun gettin rid of this frizz.
In his arms is where I'd like to be,
but I'm taken and hes free.

*how was i to kno that today id meet someone like you? how was i to see the light with him in my path and you too far to touch?*

Penelope
Junior Member

since 2000-01-26

Posts 31

1 posted 2000-01-30 06:02 PM

I really like this poem. It's always unfortunate when we realize what we've had when it's already gone (too late). As for a title, my favorite 'cheaters' method of getting a title is just using the last word or words as a title... like "I'm Taken and He's Free". Just a suggestion.

Keep writing

-Penny

My advice in life is; talk to yourself, you never know what you'll learn.

poetry_kills
Senior Member

since 1999-12-04

Posts 549
new orleans

2 posted 2000-01-30 06:16 PM

tamma: i think this is a fairly good poem, though i dont understand the significance of the "frizz" line... you might think about a different line to place there, i feel that it distracts from the true meaning and value of the poem... perhaps something about a "lifeless kiss"?... overall, good work... keep it up

sincerely,
jerome the boy with the blue thumb

A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
~Coleridge

Tamma

Senior Member

since 2000-01-17

Posts 794
In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV

3 posted 2000-01-30 06:22 PM

"frizz" has special meaning to me, and to the guy i wrote this for

*how was i to kno that today id meet someone like you? how was i to see the light with him in my path and you too far to touch?*

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