there will always be a memory..........

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amber
Member

since 1999-06-15

Posts 240
los banos, ca,

0 posted 1999-10-20 05:54 PM

there has always been this memory,
that just wont fade away,
despite the things weve been through,
and everything you say.

of the night i watched my heart,
broken before my eyes,
and fall to pieces in my view,
with all of your sweet lies.

the night i watched a shadow,
hold me in its arms,
whispering "im sorry",
after causing so much harm.

the night i felt my soul turn to dust,
and tears flow uncontrolably,
remembering the words before you left,
"no matter where you are youll always love me."

i watched the moon set that night,
and critiscm ran thick in my mind,
i couldnt speak i couldnt breathe,
and no answers could i find.

i wondered what you were thinking,
long after you were gone,
if this was so right for you,
why in my soul did it feel so wrong?

i looked into the mirror,
to see the face that you said goodbye to,
and i all i could do was regret,
evertime i said i loved you.

i thought i could never,
look deep into your eyes agian,
but you would force me to,
becasue we "needed to be friends."

i layed still in my bed that night,
and pictured the scene once more,
so many things i shouldnt have said,
left my heart an open door.

i remember everything you said,
and how you "didnt want to do this,"
how you loved everything about me,
and my smile you would miss.

i rememeber seeing you the first time,
after you broke my heart,
my stomach turned, my thoughts went dead,
and my world fell apart.

i watched you go on with your life,
and you seemed so happy,
without all of my emotions,
without everything about me.

then one day you decided,
you loved me agian,
no longer as a lost goobye,
or as your cherished friend.

you made love to me,
when we shouldnt have been speaking,
why am i hurting myself this way,
is all that i kept thinking.

i watched you go back to her,
after pretending to love me,
there was a devoted side about me,
that i wish you had never seen.

watching you kiss her,
killed me inside,
but i was your friend,
i had to be there for you right?

i remember what youde said,
that youde always love me,
but why couldnt i forget you,
if that was how you wanted it to be.

i would often look at you,
and feel it all agian,
and i wanted so much to say i loved you,
every now and then.

but i held in all inside,
because i didnt want you to know,
that after all the pain you caused,
i still loved you so.

you say eventually you realized,
that i was always the one,
and it took a long time to trust,
in where your words were coming from.

but i remember that night,
even to this day,
when you say you want to marry me,
and i know i want it that way.

but there will always be a memory,
that will never fade away,
no matter what we go through,
or anything you say.

because the night you walked out on me,
hasnt faded yet,
even though it was differnt then,
its still impossible to forget.

------------------
im always the one to say im sorry, but have never once forgave myself......

PhaerieChild
Senior Member

since 1999-08-30

Posts 1787
Aloha, Oregon

1 posted 1999-10-20 06:11 PM

This is so sad. I hope things work out for you. P.S. you NEED to forgive yourself at times too.

------------------
If you love me like music, I'll be your song.
~Heart~ Dreamboat Annie

Christopher

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-02

Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

2 posted 1999-10-20 06:26 PM

You struck a chord with this one Amber.
A vivid portrayal, and I agree that you need to forgive yourself as well (easier said than done I know!)

Well done here!

if you want to talk, e-mail or ICQ me and I would be willing to share with you my experiences.

Watcher666
Senior Member

since 1999-10-13

Posts 1606

3 posted 1999-10-21 09:02 AM

Very eloquent.Wish you the strength to forgive,both of you.

------------------
Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you.

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

4 posted 1999-10-21 07:22 PM

Heartbreaking, sounds like a merry-go-round that I was on at one time. It's best to get off and stay off!

------------------
Denise

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