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Open Poetry #3
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Villanelle...Challenge
| Open Poetry #3 |
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Villanelle...Challenge |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
I dream of walking on the shore. Do you see me or don't you care? I can not make it to the door. All huddled here confused and sore, I'm caught and can't escape your lare. I dream of walking on the shore. to raise my head is such a chore, Into the darkness I do stare; I can not make it to the door. My soul cries out,"Oh please, no more!" I wanted just for you to share; I dream of walking on the shore. Your words have bruised me to the core. I bang my head upon a chair; I can not make it to the door. I lay broken on the floor. You were the one who threw me there; I dream of walking on the shore. I can not make it to the door. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Marilyn - All Rights Reserved | |||
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INclan Senior Member
since 1999-07-20
Posts 1024Indiana, USA |
Nicely done for a painful subject. I liked the way you kept repeating one phrase...it ties together well. INclan |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Thankyou INclan.....It has been a while since I posted anything in open. I was hopping I wasn't forgotten.  |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Marilyn, it was nice to have you in the same class, I really enjoyed watching this poem grow from the ground up. You did a wonderful job with it |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Thankyou hoot....It was a challenge for me. I haven't had any formal training in poetry until now. It was fun and challenging. |
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U K Hero Member
since 1999-08-08
Posts 266England |
yes I agree with INclan, the repeating line does fall very well into the structure of the poem, well done. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I can't judge the form but I like the poem! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Excellent effort, Marilyn. It takes many people several attempts at this form to show the talent you have here. Nicely done. |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
U K Hero...Thankyou. The repeating of the lines is the form of a villanelle. I am glad you liked it. suthern...I am glad that you liked it and Nan's workshop helps learning the forms. The next one starts this weekend. I am looking forward to the challenge. Balladeer....Your words mean so much to me. You know that I admire your work and I thankyou for such high praise. I still need some work on my meter. I am getting there though. LOL. |
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Watcher666 Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 1606 |
Well done! ------------------ Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Very good, Marilyn! You guys all did so well on these! I am impressed! ------------------ Denise |
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caroline Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm |
I see you are an excellent student, Marilyn  This was touching, and very nicely done.------------------ "Tread softly, for I have spread my dreams under your feet"~~William Butler Yeats |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Watcher, Denise and caroline...thankyou all for reading and replying to this. It was fun doing it! |
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