What We Do - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

0 posted 1999-10-04 05:46 PM

What We Do

I’m listening.

With all of my heart,
I am trying to hear you.

The silence is deafening
in the words you are not speaking
and the actions you are not making.

I’m watching.

With all of my senses
I am trying to understand.

Round and round we go
on this merry-go-lightly of life
and wondering why we’re not dizzy.

I’m praying.

With each silent thought
my cries reach out to God.

Telling him we could be all right,
asking him to make us all right,
praying that he’ll let us be all right.

Now I’ll have to listen and watch
for my prayers to come true.

Alone.

4 October, 1999
©KRJ

------------------
Sunshine
Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Skyfyre
Senior Member

since 1999-08-15

Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap

1 posted 1999-10-04 05:55 PM

This relays an "expectant pause" very well ... and is typical of the excellent free verse that I have come to associate with you.

I did come upon one little stumble, or perhaps I am misinterpreting the line ... when I read the line "And the actions you are not making," I must admit that in my mind, I had already finished the line with "taking" instead, before I ever read the last word. This is not a critique, just a question, designed to broaden my understanding of the form (which, in case you haven't noticed, continues to elude me!): Any particular reason you chose that word..?

Nocht

------------------
"Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus"
(Now as I hear this bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.")

[This message has been edited by Nochtdraco (edited 10-04-1999).]

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

2 posted 1999-10-04 09:59 PM

A very nice piece of free verse Sunshine...well done

------------------
Man can not discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 1999-10-05 09:12 AM

Notch, first I must thank you for reading this poem so carefully. I purposefully did not use "taking". We have to "make" our lives. The speaker is "making an effort" and looking for the partner to also "make an effort."

I can expound, but I think I've seen enough of your insight that you've already picked up on what I am trying to say. Please, let me know if you have any other questions, and PLEASE, always feel free to critique, as that will only help me grow. Thank you.

Hoot, thank you for your comment!

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

4 posted 1999-10-05 09:29 AM

Sunshine,
Not much on free verse but this one caught my eye. Good read, good job.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

5 posted 1999-10-05 10:09 AM

Thank you Sy. Glad I caught your eye.

Pepper
Member Elite

since 1999-08-19

Posts 3079
Southern Florida

6 posted 1999-10-05 10:33 AM

enjoyed the read Sunshine.......last line was very effective

------------------

May your days be filled with lots of sunshine and your nights lit up by golden moonbeams

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

7 posted 1999-10-07 05:06 PM

Thank you Pepper. This one caused a little commentary, which I very much appreciate.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.