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Open Poetry #3
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i can never create a title
| Open Poetry #3 |
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i can never create a title |
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Jennifer Marie O'Neil Junior Member
since 1999-11-01
Posts 48port charlotte fl/bklyn ny |
void little heart scared lonley soul how do you fill it where did it go empty boxes token lost words never spoken you left me behind love is never so kind lust leads us lust betrays us love simply delays us |
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| © Copyright 1999 Jennifer Marie O'Neil - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lucie Senior Member
since 1999-06-20
Posts 1077Houston |
This poem has potential. Can I suggest some editing and some punctuation. It would make the reading easier and give a more pleasant presentation. If you need help or suggestion let me know.  |
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Watcher666 Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 1606 |
I like it like it is.Says so much here. ------------------ Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you. |
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Jennifer Marie O'Neil Junior Member
since 1999-11-01
Posts 48port charlotte fl/bklyn ny |
I have never been good with punctuation. I am also not good at editing. I usually just write it out and dont change it much after. I am sure my poetry could be better if i edited more but then I write about how I feel and you cant edit feelings. Maybe i am not much of a poet but that is how i write. Sometimes I will change it and i am sure it turns out more pleasing to read. STil any input or suggestion is greatly appreciated |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
I liked it too Jennifer. As for creating a title - choose the line that really means the most for you and within that line, there is usually a title eg. 'Love is never so kind' or 'Lust Betrays Us' Just trying to help, please don't take it the wrong way ------------------ Through poetry my heart and soul truly sing... ~Isis~ (Daughter of Mystery) |
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Lynn Member
since 1999-09-20
Posts 316Jasper, Alabama U.S.A. |
Jennifer....I enjoyed this. I agree with you statement about the feelings, and not good at editing. I'm the same way. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Jennifer, It's hard to write a poem with so few words that means so much. Good job. |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
lust leads us lust betrays us love simply delays us sweetness |
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Jennifer Marie O'Neil Junior Member
since 1999-11-01
Posts 48port charlotte fl/bklyn ny |
thank you all for taking the time to read my poem ! that was a nice idea for titles thank you |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Heartfelt.. HUGS ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
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