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Open Poetry #3

Beautiful

The Jackal
Member

since 1999-08-13

Posts 426
Springfield, Massachusetts U.S.A

0 posted 1999-10-02 10:20 AM

you are what you see
you always stay beautiful
to me
ash to ash
and dust to dust
you wont leave me
but you must,you must
so life is very tough
must like the old hickory tree
from which they buried me
we try to rock heaven asunder
to then realize
that love will lose its thunder...

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Poet Lady
New Member

since 1999-10-04

Posts 7

1 posted 1999-10-04 09:10 AM

This piece starts out ok, then loses something later. Perhaps you tried to hard on your rhyming...it has to just flow. Good effort and keep writing!!

Saxoness

Senior Member

since 1999-07-18

Posts 1102
Texas

2 posted 1999-10-05 11:13 AM

I disagree. I think it is good.

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"Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone
I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me."

-Charles Brugnot

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