»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #3
»
Ordinary
| Open Poetry #3 |
|
Ordinary |
|
|
Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
~I know this isn't very good, but bear with me, I'm suffering from writer's block.~ Life is so ordinary Ordinary life has me vexed Vexed at the world, this planet Earth Earth is but a solitary island Island amongst the stars Stars that icily sparkle Sparkle in the black umbrella Umbrella of skies infinite Infinite possibilities of creation Created by something irresponsible Irresponsible, godlike, doglike Doglike, we piss on everything Everything that is part of ordinary life ------------------ "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." -Billy Corgan- |
||
| © Copyright 1999 Systematic Decay - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Julie Senior Member
since 1999-08-20
Posts 739Houston, TX |
SD, Don't give up on this piece. No maybe not yet perfect...but come back to it when your writers block has subsided...I think it will make a very good poem. I see some messages in there that can speak volumes. |
||
|
Watcher666 Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 1606 |
Great imagery! Just needs to be explored a bit more. ------------------ Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you. |
||
|
Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Amy...this is a great start my friend. Don't give up on this piece...it has potential. |
||
|
Star Fairy 2 Member
since 1999-09-06
Posts 260cerritos, california, usa |
wow i like the beginin very much... i like how the words repeat themselves at every line... its quite wonderful actually keep up the good work  ------------------ Don't Fall.. Rise in Love -------823------- |
||
|
hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Hey, I love the format you used on this one |
||
|
Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Thanks everyone, there is one main reason I don't like this: It has an acrostic in it that ended up having nothing to do with the actual poem! I started the acrostic with an idea, that just didn't work out. ------------------ "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." -Billy Corgan- |
||
|
Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
"Don't try sucicide, no body's worth it"...hehe, now I got an old song rattling in around in my head. Sys, I love complexity in poetry, the way one words ends a line...then begins the next was unique, all that, and the acrostic too. Very cool. ------------------ Michael Anderson Is all that we see or seem but a dream within a dream? |
||
|
Lee Benthin Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 19Marysville, WA USA |
Writer's block or not, I thought it was very inventive. I too like the way you used the last word of one sentence to begin the next. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||