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Open Poetry #3
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starchild
Member
since 1999-10-22
Posts 59
manchester, england

0 posted 1999-10-25 10:36 AM


deep in the stillness of the night
i once lent my soul to flight
and floating far above myself
escaped restrictions of the head
consumed was i by such a wealth
forgot the comfort of my bed

before me danced a timeless fleet
such beauty as the eye could greet
and wonder struck my humble gaze
but still the stars kept prancing there
and never ceased but to amaze
and left me high without a care

© Copyright 1999 starchild - All Rights Reserved
Mike
Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462

1 posted 1999-10-25 10:41 AM


Enjoyed the poem... might have picked a different title.
Watcher666
Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 1606

2 posted 1999-10-25 11:25 AM


Nicely done.

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Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
3 posted 1999-10-25 12:38 PM


Star,
You write well I enjoyed the read.

Star Fairy 2
Member
since 1999-09-06
Posts 260
cerritos, california, usa
4 posted 1999-10-25 06:49 PM


what does the title mean?

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Don't Fall.. Rise in Love
-------823-------

doreen peri
Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812
Virginia
5 posted 1999-10-25 07:42 PM


Yes, you definitely write well.

May I suggest that you have no need to continue posting inane, capitalized titles....? Your poetry will stand on its own. Just keep posting. People will read.

Frankly, I usually don't read poems where the author is yelling in capital letters as if to say, "read me". But, a little while ago, I read another poem you wrote which I liked very much and so I decided to read this one, too..... despite the title.

I'm glad I did read it. It is really very wonderful. Trust me. Your poetry is well written and you have a definitive style... unlike some.... and you have no need to name your poems like you've been doing.

Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA
6 posted 1999-10-25 07:49 PM


I ditto Lady Peri... I've passed this by several times only now to take gander because I wanted to see how others had responded. I enjoyed your work and think you should be more generous to yourself. Just my two cents...
Ohme
Senior Member
since 1999-07-17
Posts 816
Texas
7 posted 1999-10-25 08:01 PM


Don't see any connection between title and body of poem. But very nice poem!
Pepper
Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079
Southern Florida
8 posted 1999-10-25 08:19 PM


A very good poem starchild.I, like the others,do not understand the title though.

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A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extrordinaire!

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
9 posted 1999-10-25 08:22 PM


I agree with Doreen...by the way, interesting rhyme scheme you used on this one, it worked well
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

10 posted 1999-10-25 10:56 PM


This is lovely starchild! I enjoyed this very much!

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Denise

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
11 posted 1999-10-25 11:12 PM


A difficult rhyme scheme to carry off and you did it with ease. Very nice.
Systematic Decay
Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301
That place with padded walls and funny people in white.........
12 posted 1999-10-26 01:20 AM


I too like the rhyme scheme....never seen this one before. But I agree, the title is inappropritate to the poem......and does sort of scream "Read Me" I would suggest a more fitting title next time, as sometimes the title really makes the poem.

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"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."
-Billy Corgan-

starchild
Member
since 1999-10-22
Posts 59
manchester, england
13 posted 1999-10-26 07:20 AM


the reason i named my title so was because i get really fustrated that this poem which i am not at all proud of, as i have seen the like written a million times, gets so many responses while the poems that mean a lot to me like 'the day slowly drips through my fingers like blood from the petals of a rose'
is responded to by relatively few people. that is why i wrote that title, otherwise i would have made somathing up on the spot, as i don't normaly title my poems

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