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The Path of Life
| Open Poetry #3 |
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The Path of Life |
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toocute4u_27 Junior Member
since 1999-10-01
Posts 26Holdenville, OK USA |
Walking along this dreary path of life Occassionally looking back at all that I've done I see times when the path was bright and full of love Those are the times that you were with me I tore us apart I know And there is no turning back the hands of fate Slowly I look forward at my path A path of saddness without you My path will never brighten again Until the day that perhaps by fate Our paths cross again |
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| © Copyright 1999 Kerrie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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desperado Member
since 1999-05-24
Posts 312FT Hood,Tx |
this is a nice bit of prose. I think that all writers write one like this in some way or another. I certainly remember mine. not eloquent, it's simplicity speaks volumes. perhaps sometimes a simple word can mean much more than an eloquent one spoken in length. perhaps you could rework it though since the rhythm is, sadly, lacking in strength and steadiness. it's halting beat is accentuated by the shortness of the selection. please, rework this and solidify the tempo and the rhythm. you will find it a much better poem. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Yes, this truly speaks volumes! Glad I found it! So many good ones seem to slip right on by!!  ------------------ Denise [This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 10-10-1999).] |
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