discerning angels" read and reply

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darksideofthesun
Junior Member

since 1999-10-21

Posts 12

0 posted 1999-10-23 01:47 PM

I once met an angel named
deception,
who whispered broken promises in my ears to make me believe in her lies.
I once met an angel named
vanity,
who lurked with a vengance behind the faces she consumed, to take away all feeling of something real.
I once met an angel named
ignorance,
not able to understand things so simple;
who couldnt differentiate the dying from the living- maybe just because she didnt want to see the
truth
I once found the devil with an angel's face.
an angel who came to me in silent dreams,
saw my transparent secrets,
taunted my weakness,
gazed at me with those blue eyes,
drinking my salty tears like the blood of love's martyrs,
which now mingles with my own.
I once met a devil with an angel's face,
but i couldnt tell the difference any more.

[This message has been edited by darksideofthesun (edited 10-23-1999).]

Lucie
Senior Member

since 1999-06-20

Posts 1077
Houston

1 posted 1999-10-23 01:58 PM

I really liked the concept of your poem.. You should really try to use some punctuation to make your points more vivid. It reads choppy and the reader is forced to insert their own breaks and pauses. If you would like I could help you. Email me.

Watcher666
Senior Member

since 1999-10-13

Posts 1606

2 posted 1999-10-23 02:57 PM

Good poem,but I agree with Lucie.Line breaks would help the flow.

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Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you.

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

3 posted 1999-10-23 03:31 PM

I also have to agree with Lucie. The poem is wonderful but there are breaks needed to improve the flow.

Twilight_Angel
Junior Member

since 1999-08-07

Posts 22
USA

4 posted 1999-10-23 04:05 PM

Beautiful!

PoeticPreacher
Junior Member

since 1999-10-20

Posts 28
jkljkj

5 posted 1999-10-23 04:13 PM

Truly a spiritual enlightening nugget. This poems completely describes all that embodies an obession with a deceitful person or even that which is evil appearing to be "all right". For example:"I once found the devil with an angel's face
an angel who came to me in silent dreams
saw my transparent secrets
taunted my weakness
gazed at me with those blue eyes
drinking my salty tears like the blood of love's martyrs
which now mingles with my own."

For some reason the poem as written seem to add emphasis to me. Missed punctuation I feel was just an over sight. I do that a lot myself, but will make corrections if someone point out a period or comma I missed.

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

6 posted 1999-10-23 06:08 PM

Very very nice! I enjoyed reading this!

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Denise

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