Open Poetry #1 |
Goodbye, Not Goodnight |
Alain DeLaCendres Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 119Ohio |
Please, Say goodbye Not goodnight. It’s over, It would have died So I did as my heart told And left before it got old, cold, or both. So please, Say goodbye Not goodnight, For nothing can come of a fight. The fight of holding on And knowing when to let go, To let go when hearts grow slow And the mind kicks in To point out what’s going on That love was too blind to see. It used to be happy, It used to be good, But now it’s shriveled and dead, But not yet dead Only slowly dying And trying To prevent too much crying. So please Say goodbye, Not goodnight. *note: this is one of my least favorite poems of mine..the rythm is messed up, etc.. Just by the way, this poem was "inspired" (I guess..) by the Kiss song "Shandi" from the Destroyer album...anyway.. ------------------ Tout s'en va, tout passe, l'eau coule, et le couer oublie. |
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© Copyright 1999 Alain DeLaCendres - All Rights Reserved | |||
DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
A nice slice of night. ------------------ I would devour you save that you would no longer be there. |
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Christina Myers Member
since 1999-06-21
Posts 159 |
I don't know Alain... I think you are being too harsh- I like this one a lot. And it's generally known that I have good taste! LOL :-D the rhythm isn't that distracting and I do like the feeling you've created with your choice of words...all in all it's *not* a bad effort. -Christina ------------------ And I thought: this is how poetry is born. It comes from invisible heights, it is secret and dark in its origins, solitary and fragrant, and like the river it will assimilate whatever falls in its current; it will seek a route between the mountains, and its crystalline song will ripple through the meadows."- Pablo Neruda |
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Artur Hawkwing Member
since 1999-06-30
Posts 444USA |
It's one that shines, not that I quite understood it all the way through...... but you're going to get much much better with time..... I didn't notice the rhyme distortion because my eyes are usually focused on the meaning. I had to wonder what "it" signified... maybe I'm a bad critic, but this is a good one! Even bad critics are right sometimes. LOL |
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