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Vessel
| Open Poetry #1 |
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Vessel |
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invertigo18 Member
since 1999-06-14
Posts 53Prairieville, LA., USA |
So cold within this vessel. No feeling can be found. So old within this vessel. But so young all around. Burnt out Sold out Does anyone care about the rust consuming the inside of the vessel's heart? And everyone assuming that it was alright inside was wrong from the start. It travels alone. Submerged in uncharted waters. And even though it feels at home. Its still in love with Poseidon's daughter. So drown Drown to find her Yes drown Now you're lost in her sadness And you'll never have her. Keep swimming on with the waves That crash and break the dawn inside. Keep swimming on with the waves That hide her soul behind her eyes. You're both drowning. But you can't drop the lead weight. Is that why you're frowning? 'Cause you're the one she has loved to hate? Now fade into the night. Now wade into the light. Now shade you from the sight. Of her searching for you. You're both doomed For this love can't be. ------------------ Luke Cakalic |
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| © Copyright 1999 invertigo18 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jfreak Member
since 1999-06-17
Posts 306Yuma, AZ, USA |
I am not sure what to say. Overall it is a good poem. At some points it is a little jerky in the rhythm. I would watch out for that in my future writings. You have some nice phrases in certain places, imagery is pretty good throughout. Keep moving in that direction. I see a lot of potential in you to be a great poet. Keep moving in the direction you are going. JFreak |
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