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My favorite composition
| Open Poetry #1 |
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My favorite composition |
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Newguy Junior Member
since 1999-06-27
Posts 36Moultrie, GA, USA |
The Black (The Beginning) I open my eyes and enter the day, The Black it starts stirring, it eats me away. I bathe and I ponder what things come my way, The Black it is stirring, it eats me away. So I empty my mind and put a smile on my face, Still the Black it engulfs me and without a trace, I fade into sorrow, succumb to its grasp, And I see it, I feel it, and I hear it laugh. I'm helpless, I'm lost, I realize that now. There is no escape from His all-encompassing brow. So I cry and I suffer, shake my fists at the sky. Wishing for the moment, the time that I'll die. Still the Black it continues to destroy my soul, Clouding my mind and taking control. And I see it, I feel it, and I hear it laugh. As He crushes my heart and tears me in half. I wish it was gone, this creature of pain Then parts of myself I could somehow regain. I scream I shudder. I cry for the end. Help me! Please help me! How have I sinned? And I see it, I feel it, and I hear it laugh, The Blackness of lonely, two torn in half. The Black (The Struggle) There once was so much, now there is none. My life, my soul, and my world are undone. The Black it still laughs, still swallows me whole. But inside I'm stronger, I've regained control. I glare at this monster which gives me such grief. My God how I yearn for extended relief! So I fight and I struggle, on this life's behalf, I still see it, still feel it, and I still hear it laugh. Empty I was, cold and so scared. Yet something inside me continues to dare To fight this beast, to win, to live Though the Black is eternal, and takes what I give. My battle, my growth, my soul's rebirth, The Black and its power, its evil, its girth. I still see it, still feel it, still hear it laugh, But with strength beyond strength my spirit will last. The Clash of the Titans, a life-altering event The Black He surrounds, and now I am bent On ending this darkness, ending his reign With no pity or relent, I've so much to gain! I still see it, still feel it, still hear it laugh, This Blackness inside me, I'm broken in half. The format is kinda messed up, but this is one of my favorite compositions. This is from my depressing collection, but please be honest and tell me what you think. Wayoutwalt has me beat, though, so now I have to go back to the drawing board and try to equal him. :-) |
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| © Copyright 1999 Newguy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
tis depressing yes but tis naturally so fits into my youth like a black glove on my fist...great poems newguy "the black is eternal and takes what i give" i like that |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I have a confession. I thought the first part was about a migraine. That's exactly how I feel when I'm getting one...then when I realized what you were writing about, it all fit. Impressive work! I like your style!  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Dear Newguy -- thank goodness you are out of your "depressed period". When quite young, I wrote of a girl in a coffin...my mother thought I was suicidal...and this, when it was not how things are today. Truth be told, the poem I wrote eerily foreshadowed a young female friend's early and tragic death. I have since stayed away from morbidity. However, you write a fine line...keep it up! Sunshine |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
"The Black, He surrounds and now I am bent"... wonderful! This is very effective work. And I don't think the format is "messed up", as you said. I like this just the way it is. |
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Moonlight Member
since 1999-06-25
Posts 105Auburn, Alabama USA |
I like this one very much. The format is unique, but not at all "messed up". I like how you give "the black" a form and develope it as a character almost. And the repetition of "I still see it, still feel it, still hear it laugh," really builds the poem up - a nice touch! Great work! ~m~ |
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ac Member
since 1999-06-17
Posts 129Cayey, PR - USA |
The format isn't messed up at all... like the way you divide into two segments...like a story with a beginning and an end..."The Black it is stirring, it eats me away" a very strong line...loved it... |
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Newguy Junior Member
since 1999-06-27
Posts 36Moultrie, GA, USA |
Actually, its a 3 part story. The third part hasn't been written yet, though, because it hasn't happened. Thanks everyone for the comments!!!! |
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