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Bed of Roses
| Open Poetry #1 |
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Bed of Roses |
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Tara Simms Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244Honea Path, SC USA 
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Lay me down on a bed of roses, Love me like never before. Touch me like you really mean it. Not like it’s a chore. Forget that I’m their mother, Just treat me like your wife. Remember that you love me; I’m the one you chose for life. Remember the way our eyes Would lust after each other? Long before our marriage bed Was defiled by another? Can we recapture the passion And magic we once had? Back when we were happy, Before the memories turned bad? Will I ever be able to erase The memory of her in your mind? Can I ever forgive you For leaving my dreams behind? You were all I ever wanted I held our love so dear Try as I might to save it, It’s become perfectly clear: Too much water under the bridge We cannot contain the deluge You’ve just lost all of us, You thought you had nothing to lose. I’ll never be able to look upon you And trust you with my heart My life, once my gift to you, Has been torn apart. I gave you all that I had to give But it just wasn’t enough. I thought I lacked the strength to leave But I know I can be tough. Though it may hurt me I have to let you go. I’m a prize to be won, Not a burden you must tow. So I bid you fond adieu As I walk out the door: Head held high, shoulders squared. I deserve much more. [This message has been edited by Tara Simms (edited 08-29-99).] [This message has been edited by Tara Simms (edited 08-31-99).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Tara Simms - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Excellent. A tale of survival and courage! (been there, done that!) ------------------ Denise |
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Robin Junior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 48Cardiff, Wales, UK |
I like this, it brings out both the confusion and despair of a very personal situation. I would hope it's not a personal memory, but suspect it is. It is all too common and sad, but as you last stanza suggests, people can move on. Having said that, if I may a couple of points on the poem itself rather than the feelings behind it. You have gone for a very rhythmic form, but you lose it on occasion. This can be done for effect, but it doesn't seem to work here. for instance "Too much water under the bridge We cannot contain the deluge You’ve just lost all of us, You didn’t think you had anything to lose." Might I suggest the last line works better as "You thought you had nothing to lose" And "I gave you all that I had to give But it just wasn’t enough. I never thought I had the strength to leave. But I know I can be tough" The third line fits better as "I thought I'd lost the strength to leave" It's a shame to nit pick like this in such a personal work, but I did find the break in rhythm distracting. Hope you don't mind the comments, nice poem Robin |
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Tara Simms Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244Honea Path, SC USA |
Robin, thanks for your input. I did notice it (after I posted, of course) in the 7th stanza and was planning on making the exact change you posted (great minds think alike, eh?). I hadn't noticed it in the other one, but looking on it, I can see it. Thanks again. |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
All in all a tough situation! Nice job in getting the thought across! And your right, You do deserve better!  |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
A bed of roses should not have to come along with the thorns. You do deserve better, Tara, and I hope that you find it. ------------------ *Elizabeth* "Dwelt a maid belov'd and cherish'd by high and low, But with autumn leaf she perish'd, long time ago..." |
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moonmoon Member
since 1999-08-13
Posts 277TX , USA |
Tara, that was very well said.. Yep, you do deserve much better..I think the hardest part is getting to realize that..Once you get there, half the battle is done.. I could very well relate..!Isn't it amazing how such beautiful work comes out of such difficult situations? Kudos to you.. ------------------ "No one was ever ruined from without; The final ruin comes from within.".....Amelia E. Barr |
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Tara Simms Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244Honea Path, SC USA |
Thank you, everybody! That one was two years in the making, I walked out last October, after trying to work through it for a year. |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
You are a very strong person, Tara. Best of luck to you that everything will work out. ------------------ *Elizabeth* "Dwelt a maid belov'd and cherish'd by high and low, But with autumn leaf she perish'd, long time ago..." |
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