Open Poetry #1 |
Love's Champion (dug out and dusted off) |
Colin Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596Callington, Cornwall, England |
Snorting stamping straining eager for battle dappled, mail clad, charger thunders into view in clouds of billowing steam spurred on by master's passion rearing turning awaiting battle. He pauses grudgingly tense from rider's fire shaking snowy head awaiting battle. Sir Knight suited in plates of steel cloaked in whitest silk surcoat holding ivory shield, emblazoned with gilt wings of an Angel dips his lance to flame haired princess receiving her token freely given then smiles as he spurs his mount onwards awaiting battle. Black Knave armored in trickery shielded by cunning words rides slowly forward awaiting battle? The Champion chuckling softly turns his back disdainfully returning to his love's side and says softly "MY Lady I need not soil my lance with his foul blood for the battle for thy heart was won long ago. But know thee now shouldst need arise I, servant and champion am here awaiting battle." ------------------ I believe in fairy tales but then I'm just a silly romantic, what do I know? |
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© Copyright 1999 Colin Ramage - All Rights Reserved | |||
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
I could read this dozens of times and enjoy it every bit as much each and every time |
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Colin Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596Callington, Cornwall, England |
Thanks Nan! A compliment indeed *8) Your happiness from reading this is my happiness too. Love the horsy btw *grin* ------------------ I believe in fairy tales but then I'm just a silly romantic, what do I know? |
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Terri Member
since 1999-08-08
Posts 82Turtle Creek, PA |
I liked it...nice visual! |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
This is a well crafted piece-- imagery creates a visual Camelot-- (I know this particular forum isn't meant for critique, so please excuse me if you aren't looking for any, but I think the "awaiting battle" line is unnecessary in all but the last stanza... where it works well.... I think it would be a more powerful poem without repeating that line.... what do YOU think?) anyway, thanks for the read and I'll look forward to reading more of your work. -dp |
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Colin Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596Callington, Cornwall, England |
Thanks for the replies Terri and Doreen. And no, I don't mind critique at all *8) I even welcome it. You asked what I thought, so.... I gave that a lot of thought at the time I wrote the poem, and rereading it before posting for the first time. I decided that yes, the repetition was an integral part of the poem. I feel it adds a certainty to each verse, highlighting the question at the end of the fourth. So... that's why it's still there *8) Thanks, also, for the compliments. It's nice to know that my words are giving others pleasure. ------------------ I believe in fairy tales but then I'm just a silly romantic, what do I know? [This message has been edited by Eric Williams (edited 08-28-99).] |
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