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True Love
| Open Poetry #1 |
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True Love |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida 
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Flowers sparkle with morning’s first dew ‘Neath cloud dappled sky within shaded pine A tiny brook does gently woo To its dulcet song we must resign The wind in your hair is ever so tender Your cavorts I watch in devoted repose My love for you is a sweet surrender A powerful force I could never oppose Your locks are the sun spun gently in curls Your eyes are the sky at its darkest hue - Rimmed ‘round the edges with mother-of-pearl My scion, my soul, my world…is you Peace defines you, as it does the dove You are my child, my one true love ------------------ "Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with." *Mark Twain* |
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| © Copyright 1999 Nicole Williams - All Rights Reserved | |||
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Awesome way to rock a challenge, my dear. Very, very, good in both form and content. ------------------ Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings? DreamEvil© |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
 thank you------------------ "Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with." *Mark Twain* |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Very loving mood expressed here, though I did have some trouble with scancion. I gather it was meant to be 4 beats, but there were some sticky spots. Try tapping your foot while reading aloud to catch any unmeant pauses or difficulties. Also, I noticed the switching between iambic and trochaic, though sans pattern. Keep trying, and you will prevail. For further examples, might I recommend all of Shakespeare's sonnets? This would give you practical examples of the different tonalities, meters, and feet. Alicat |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
"Your locks are the sun spun gently in curls" What a beautiful line. I have no idea what the challenge was, but you wrote a darn good poem ... one with a sweet sentiment to boot. Rating: ------------------ "Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus" (Now as I hear this bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.") |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Delicious. The only suitable word! |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
Hey-hey kilted cat man! Thank you very much for your observations! I'll most definately work on your suggestions. Nochtdraco~Thank you very much! Three smiles even The challenge was to write a sonnet using the line 'the wind in your hair'.Severn~ Thank you! |
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~one voice~ Senior Member
since 1999-07-08
Posts 664Billings, MT USA |
Satiate! You're back!!! Go on girl, with your bad self! I love this sonnet! Absolutly beautiful!!! I love your work! ------------------ ~onevoice~ "She looked at her life like lines, never-ending, constantly forming, reforming and bending." |
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