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Talon
Junior Member

since 1999-08-25

Posts 33
Los Angeles

0 posted 1999-08-25 04:28 AM

Lovely velvet violets laying
softly scented, slowly swaying
in a purple perfumed pageant on parade
quiet quivers, slightest shivers
as sun's setting silver sliver
makes a morning glory, more a moonlit maid

dainty dresses, quaint caresses
whirling wind in trailing tresses
ballroom breezes briskly tease between the trees
fragile flowers, fragrant, flowing
blooming bowers, bending, bowing
in a frantic flowered frolick 'for the freeze

dancing daisies, round a ring
sweeping posies, prance and sing
while windy whirls of gale are gusting, then serene
lovely lilting lilacs lute
flashing fireflies fly and flute
dewdrop drinks on petal platters so pristine

sudden thunder shakes the ground
as lightning leaps from all around
and hurried flowers, fleeting fly to hidden huddles
clustered clouds break up the ball
as raging raindrops flailing fall
to tear to tatters, pitter-pattering in puddles

while waiting, watch the muddled mass,
who pray and plead, this too to pass
as soon surrounds a soothing silence giving graces
to the dark and dreary, weak and weary
once green grass, now tired and teary
who sleeps in slumber, dreaming dreams of peaceful places

Mark R.
Member

since 1999-06-25

Posts 113
San Francisco, CA.

1 posted 1999-08-25 07:25 AM

Very well done. I really liked it. Welcome aboard; hope you keep treating us to your writing.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

2 posted 1999-08-25 09:44 AM

Talon,
You said a mouth full.
well done.

Talon
Junior Member

since 1999-08-25

Posts 33
Los Angeles

3 posted 1999-08-25 10:38 AM

Thank you very much for the compilements. I saw some kewl things on this site (looks like there are some pretty good authors here), and wanted to give it a shot, hopefully it's good enough

Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

4 posted 1999-08-25 08:32 PM

Of course this is good enough! The alliteration is exquisite, and the rhythm reminded me of the beat in Poe's "The Raven."

------------------
*Elizabeth*

"Dwelt a maid belov'd and cherish'd by high and low,
But with autumn leaf she perish'd, long time ago..."

caroline
Senior Member

since 1999-08-16

Posts 1218
http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm

5 posted 1999-08-25 10:21 PM

Oh so beautiful! Wow!

------------------
The only man worth your tears will never make you cry...

thursdayschild
Member

since 1999-07-01

Posts 169
Houston, Tx.

6 posted 1999-08-25 11:15 PM

Exquisitely written! Nice to see you here
dear friend

Talon
Junior Member

since 1999-08-25

Posts 33
Los Angeles

7 posted 1999-08-25 11:35 PM

Thanks all for the welcome. I definitely see some talented poets on this site and will see if I can add somethings as well. Glad to hear you enjoyed the poem

Hmmm ... "The Raven" ... Kewl!!!

Thanks again very much

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

8 posted 1999-08-25 11:59 PM

I can see this is a study in assonance and alliteration! Nice work.

Areya
Junior Member

since 1999-06-26

Posts 16

9 posted 1999-08-26 07:57 AM

beautiful!!

Mona Lisa
Member

since 1999-08-25

Posts 100
Halifax, Nova Scotia

10 posted 1999-08-26 08:37 AM

Very very beautiful. The words of this poem ring like music in my ears.

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

11 posted 1999-08-26 11:41 AM

What a pleasant bouquet.

Talon
Junior Member

since 1999-08-25

Posts 33
Los Angeles

12 posted 1999-08-26 12:21 PM

Sorry for making your ears ring Mona Lisa

J/K

And Severn, is assonance ryhming consonants? I didn't know what it's called when you duplicate many consonance sounds.

But thanks again for the compliments ... Oh there's a second poem I posted here as well, a little like this one called "A Hidden Valley"

LngJhnAg
Member Elite

since 1999-07-23

Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion

13 posted 1999-08-26 12:39 PM

talon

neat arrangement and style - I enjoyed it. As for being good enough? Of course you are, and you should be ashamed for fishing for compliments when your poem speaks well enough for itself. tsk tsk - lol

Talon
Junior Member

since 1999-08-25

Posts 33
Los Angeles

14 posted 1999-08-26 04:43 PM

Yes it's a new style for me, usually do try the rhyming and rythm, but I wrote one stanza in another poem almost on accident ...

A Siren singing song of starshine
beckons forth a fragile hand
that lured, lingers on that line
longing fingers, starlit land.

so I tried writing this one in the same way. Glad you liked

Thanks Long John, do appreciate the reception very much.

Oh and *reels in catch, and rebaits the hook*

LOL!

Emmy
Member

since 1999-06-29

Posts 194
KY

15 posted 1999-08-26 05:46 PM

WOW. That was reeeeally good. I loved the imagery. I could see it all! And welcome to the family! I'm sure you'll fit right in!

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