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Open Poetry #1
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Need a title for this one
| Open Poetry #1 |
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Need a title for this one |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap 
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Unsaid "My love, I give my heart to you, And will forever be Devoted to your happiness With every part of me -- You gave me everything you had My lover, and my friend; You filled the empty parts of me And made me whole again. And when, in anger, or in spite, Or thoughtlessness, I strayed -- Another might have walked away -- But by my side you stayed: I broke your heart so many times And you were ever true -- So now, unworthy as it is, I give my heart to you." She smiled, and kissed him softly then, And whispered out his name; Her breath was dew upon the glass Inside the wooden frame. She sighed, and put his picture down And then turned off the light, And lay, repeating loving words That haunted her each night. The pillow dampened by her tears, As softly, sleep crept in; And she confessed into the night What she never said to him. ------------------ "Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus" (When I hear the bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.") [This message has been edited by Nochtdraco (edited 08-30-99).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Linda Anderson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
The Price of Regret? or just Regret? Very emotional piece, would you mind if I printed off a copy? ------------------ Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings? DreamEvil© [This message has been edited by DreamEvil (edited 08-22-99).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Were these words that he actually had said or words that she, in her imagination, wished he had said? |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Words she wishes she had said to him ... words she now says too late. ------------------ "Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus" (When I hear the bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.") [This message has been edited by Nochtdraco (edited 08-22-99).] |
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traveler Member
since 1999-08-17
Posts 119 |
Another beautifully moving piece. I will place this next to Sunshine's "he doesn't want my poetry". Haunting ending. Happy or sad? |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Very emotional...I truly enjoyed this. Sort of a bittersweet sadness... ------------------ *Krista Knutson* "If I could be an angel, I'd make your every wish come true. But I am only human, just a woman lovin' you..." Trisha Yearwood |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
"Regret" is a very appropriate title, Dream, thanks ... and of course you can print a copy ... traveler, the end of this story is undoubtedly sad ... if you could think otherwise then I have not put my point across very well and need to rewrite it ... Alwye, thank you so much for your compliment ... I appreciate all feedback, be it good or bad ...  ------------------ "Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus" (When I hear the bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.") |
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caroline Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm |
It is beautiful... ------------------ The only man worth your tears will never make you cry... |
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traveler Member
since 1999-08-17
Posts 119 |
Nochtdraco, Originally I thought it was sad. Your first reply, now edited, led me to question that conclusion. Still a beautiful work. Don't rewrite it. [This message has been edited by traveler (edited 08-23-99).] [This message has been edited by traveler (edited 08-25-99).] |
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snacks Junior Member
since 1999-08-21
Posts 35NJ |
I LOVE THIS POEM! "A FROZEN KISS" OR SOMETHING OF THAT NATURE IS A TITLE THAT COMES TO MIND. SOMETHING INDICATING THE KISS AT THE END THAT TURNS OUT TO BE FOR A PICTURE..A MEMORY. GREAT POEM |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
How about "Organ Donor?"......nice poem, well thought out me thinks! |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
This definately brought tears to my eyes...what a wonderfully written piece. I love the flow it has, it reads perfectly!! ------------------ "Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
LMAO ... "Organ Donor?" ... ummm ... I think I won't ask ... Hmmm ... something appropriately humble is called for here ... "My poetry is not worthy of such praise" or something ... but you'd never believe me, so I'll just say ... Thanks all. |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
Bravo, Nochtdraco! Hmm, for a title, how about "Wistful Kisses"? Great job on this one. ------------------ *Elizabeth* "Dwelt a maid belov'd and cherish'd by high and low, But with autumn leaf she perish'd, long time ago..." |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
This was a simply beautiful poem, and I cannot wait to see what you would entitle it. Had I been wise and smart enough to pen something so beautiful I think I would have called it "Everything Left Unsaid". Well done, new friend. And should Traveler be re-reading this for all comments, thank you, my friend, for the nod to my work. ------------------ Sunshine Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Well Done! I've been gone for ten days and your poetry is the first to greet me back. A fine offering. Thanks for sharing. If I were to offer a title, I would have to echo DreamEvil. "Regret" seems appropriate. |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
How about "unspoken"? or "missing the words" very sincere and honest. I like that. |
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traveler Member
since 1999-08-17
Posts 119 |
I guess I am just drawn to this poem ... can't decide if this or "In Reveries" is my favorite of your works (lol ... to date). They hold special meaning for me. For myself, I miss my love and want her back ... did the character in this poem find happiness. Maybe you'll post a sequel one day. Thanks again ... |
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PhaerieChild Senior Member
since 1999-08-30
Posts 1787Aloha, Oregon |
How about "Haunted Heart" It is a beautiful poem, no matter what you title it. ------------------ Words lay dormant in the recesses of the mind til called forth to a labor of love. By WildChild |
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miriam Member
since 1999-08-26
Posts 323glendale,ca. |
how about keeping the title you already have? that way the poem can speak for itself. |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Again, thank you all for your comments and suggestions. As you can see, I have finally decided on a title, though I doubt it's as good as the ones I was offered. I just couldn't decide, so I came up with something different, contrary woman that I am ... ------------------ "Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus" (Now as I hear this bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.") |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Call it "rainbow"...for there are so many different facets just like the facets of diamonds, each has a hue of their own but each remarkable in their own way...so each sparkles in a brilliant hemisphere... HUGS ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
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traveler Member
since 1999-08-17
Posts 119 |
yes ... contrary ... well said |
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