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The Case of the Five and Dimer Rhymer
| Open Poetry #1 |
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The Case of the Five and Dimer Rhymer |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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I still recall that London fog roll down the street that night Back in the spring of '93, if my mind serves me right. Good Mr. Holmes, my trusted friend, had called me to his place. I didn't know that it would be for Sherlock's final case. "Ah, Witless!", Holmes called out to me - his customary greet As I walked in from out the chill of foggy Baker Street. "A curious case has come my way and I'm forced to depend On cunning, wits, intelligence - and you, my trusted friend." "You know, of course, of Long John. He's the butcherer of words Who writes the most pathetic rhymes the world has ever heard. There is a ransom on his head for murdering pure verse But I've been hired to find a fiend who writes poems ten times worse!" "Dear Holmes!", I finally blurted out, unable to resist, "You know that Long John tops the twenty Most Unwanted list. No man alive can write that bad and not remain in jail. Should you accept this duty, Holmes, you're surely bound to fail!" But nothing that I said - no threats - no questions that I asked Were able to convince Holmes to avoid this futile task. So, off we went, in still of night through foggy London town To find a poet worse than John and hunt that creature down. We asked the hoboes on the streets but they just simply laughed. We asked the patrons of the pubs who all replied, "You're daft!!" We checked the sewers - alleys, too.The hunt went on 'till dawn But we could not find anyone who wrote as bad as John. The opium dens we checked. We even crashed an all-night party Hosted by that evil fiend, Professor Moriarty. But all our hunts were fruitless. Sherlock ranted, raved and cursed For every fact uncovered proved that Long John was the worst. "Dear Holmes", I cried, "please let it go. This hunt cannot go on. There simply is no one alive who writes worse than Long John." But Holmes would not abandon ship. He simply walked away And legend says he hunts on still until this very day. Years later, I discovered that my friend Holmes had been right! For, in a pub across town, on that same cold London night The fiend he sought was saying,"Folks, now I don't mean to brag But I'm the greatest poet born. My friends call me Toerag......." |
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| © Copyright 1999 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
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IsabelleSkye Member
since 1999-06-27
Posts 253 |
I had to drag myself off the floor from giggling so hard to type this reply..... TOO FUN! I.Skye |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
LOL! Brilliant!  |
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Lorelei54 Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 458 |
Hurrah Deer' Thanks for the great verse! |
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Emmy Member
since 1999-06-29
Posts 194KY |
ROFLMAO!!! An interesting tribute, my friend! This one had me rolling!  |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
'Deer I am overwhelmed by your thoughtfulness, and by the fact that you would write this terrific poem and include me as the target. I must admit, you are correct, I am a poor poet by anybody's standards. In many ways, this comeuppance reminds me of the joy my fellow grade school classmates took many years ago when I tried to sing with them in class. My voice is only rivaled by mating cats and laughing hyenas. I learned not to sing where others may hear. I thoroughly enjoyed this poem, and I hope you have forgiven me for my former indiscretions. I am sorry you spent a part of your day for my sake. As always, your servant, poor old undeserving Long John |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
All indiscretions are forgiven...and, believe me, it was one of the nicer parts of my day. Your humblemility is overwhelming. |
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Craig Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 444 |
Balladeer Another great poem, I can't wait for Toe's return and the war of the words resuming. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Balladeer, Here here and I'll buy the mext beer. My vocabulary lacks the finesse to extol this comic dress. |
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Delores Hall Member
since 1999-07-16
Posts 342USA |
This is great. |
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Terri Member
since 1999-08-08
Posts 82Turtle Creek, PA |
Ahh, two with one blow...nice shootin', Bal. LOL! [This message has been edited by Terri (edited 08-22-99).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Thanks, folks. Craig: I, too, am waiting! |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
ROFL, great! Can't wait to see Toerag's reaction I like the Sherlock Holmes allusion.LongJohn-you can count on at least ONE of us around hear to keep reading your poetry! ------------------ *Elizabeth* "Dwelt a maid belov'd and cherish'd by high and low, But with autumn leaf she perish'd, long time ago..." |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
What a case you have for these two! ------------------ Sunshine Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
LJA: I thought I'd told you my secret. *G* Sing with bagpipes! LOL. You can bellow your heart out and no one will hear/mind. LOL. Deer Witless, you've still got the story all wrong (I understand the confusion if you'd heard Long John's song!) Sherlock was misguided in seeking his fiend - Toerag spoke the truth... he's the best ever been! |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Balladeer...Ummm?....Touching to say the least?....LOL |
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Poetwheel Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 208Canada |
Brilliant! I must admit though, I felt this one was coiling like a snake, and I knew Toerag was going to be whipped in the end. Perhaps, though, this made it even more enjoyable. Love your work, as always PW ------------------ Poetic Wheelbarrow http://www.stormloader.com/poetwheel/den.html ICQ: 44370408 |
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wordweaver Junior Member
since 1999-08-19
Posts 25south carolina |
Truly enoyable. I desire to have half as much talent. Keep writing and we all will keep reading. [This message has been edited by wordweaver (edited 08-27-99).] |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Thanks for the continued laugh Sir Balladeer. Glad to find the war wages on to create such poetic treasures. Very enjoyable.  |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Never cease to amaze me Balladeer! Great job. Though poor ol' LJA, he has taken a beatin. You gave us all a good laugh! |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Three pointer, deer..... |
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