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Open Poetry #1
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The Escape.....
| Open Poetry #1 |
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The Escape..... |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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I was the man on duty, The only prison guard. It was my job to keep him locked Up in the prison ward. He tried every trick to get out. A clever fiend was he. He begged me to be let out But I held fast the key. And then, one day, it happened. I'd barely closed my eyes When he up and walked right past me In cleverest disguise. He looked so very righteous I didn't really see The cruelty he had within As he slipped out of me. The prison was my consciouseness The prisoner interred Who slipped out with my guard down Was a simple, unkind word. There's no reason to pursue him, No way of keeping track For, once an unkind word escapes, You never get it back. I only hope its victims, Wherever they may be Forgive my momentary lapse And not think ill of me. Guard all your unkind words, my friends. Your victims, too, have pride. Use all your strength to keep, at length, Those criminals inside. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
So much truth to this one Balladeer!!! We all need to bridle our tongue at times. Very good! |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Very true Balladeer |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Nice to hear from you, Hoot. Welcome back. and thank you, WhtDove |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
This was good ... and true. One question ... why did you drop the personification in the 7th stanza? ("its" victims rather than "his"?) ------------------ "Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus" (When I hear the bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.") |
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Fred Hobbs Member
since 1999-06-08
Posts 329Tallahassee, Florida, US |
Hey Balladeer... They just keep getting better man. Don't know how you do it! sandman |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
gay me the goosebumbs it did it did |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Nice going, Nochtdraco. Very perceptive of you to pick that up. Actually, by the time I had gotten to that point, I realised that I had used the masculine form to describe it every time, so I threw in an "it" to make it a neuter (words can be feminine, too). It really wasn't a good choice. I should have remained constant in my description....and I do appreciate your questioning it. Thank you. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Ah, very good! You never seem to run out of subjects....you're like the energizer battery of the Passions forums.....keep banging that drum, bunny balladeer! ....my mother said "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all".....  |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Yes, very good, balladeer!! So true, your words are. We all at one point or another hurt others with our words... ------------------ *Krista Knutson* "If I could be an angel, I'd make your every wish come true. But I am only human, just a woman lovin' you..." Trisha Yearwood |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
That was very well put! I must watch my door carefully.. Another one I like is: Better to keep silent and be thought a fool, then speak and remove all doubt. (twain I think). (smile) I need to repeat that one to myself often. (sigh). Nice job! ------------------ Kay-lynn **A dream is a wish your heart makes :) |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Revered Elder, you have once again proven your right to that title. ------------------ Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings? DreamEvil© |
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elvira Senior Member
since 1999-07-06
Posts 936California |
of course, like everyone else, i have regretted words spoken in haste...despite a multitude of classes, it is difficult to remember all those interpersonal communication "rules"...and, well, sometimes i just want to tick someone off PS: writing is so much better, gives us a chance to edit |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Excellent poem, 'Deer one... and such food for thought. I'm reminded of the singsong chant we all heard (and used *G*) in playgrounds: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"... and how untrue that statement is! The pen can cut deeper than the sword and leave wounds that take much longer to heal. All of us have been poor guards at one time or another and let prisoners escape that should have remained locked away... I like your imagery... *G* I always think of ugly balloons escaping my mouth... and me wishing desperately I could stuff them back in! LOL. Great job! |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
'Deer Words are stones, not kites. Words are asps, they bite. Words are free for us to use. The cost is when they abuse. Nicely, done, 'Deer. |
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~one voice~ Senior Member
since 1999-07-08
Posts 664Billings, MT USA |
As usual, Balladeer, you've written something true and wonderful! You touch me everytime.  ------------------ ~onevoice~ "She looked at her life like lines, never-ending, constantly forming, reforming and bending." |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
Sir Balladeer, I am beginning to think of you as the Wizard of Passions, able to grant us anything, for with a mind so full of inspiration, and a pen worthy of your words, you constantly grant us access to your wisdom, which is as bright as any star that shines down on us. Thank-you for all your wonderful masterpieces you share so kindly with us. |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Aaaahhh, I loved the idea behind this thing!! What a work of wonder...I wasn't sure where you were going with it at first, but wow, what an ending, and such a powerful message it sent!! (even better) Yes indeed, you are the Master of poetic masterpiece!! I haven't asked you before, but how long have you been writing for....??? Curious... ------------------ - poet FemmeFatale "The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone..." Henrik Ibsen (1826-1906) Norwegian dramatist lyric poet |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Balladeer, You did it again. How many times can I say Bravo? You sure you don't have a book on wise sayings? If you do I'd like to borrow it. |
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Blondie Member
since 1999-08-06
Posts 307Ohio |
very true! |
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blueloon Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 161NY |
Every word that was written should be a testament of truth to all of us. Thank you for never running out of anything to write about! blueloon |
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Starith Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 176Leesburg, FL USA |
Balladeer, Sometimes we forget that all our hard work in this world can be broke down by one foolish action or word. Thank you for reminding us. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Bravo, dear Sir. But an unkind word from you? We are now all humbled to know that you are human, too. |
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snacks Junior Member
since 1999-08-21
Posts 35NJ |
very true..I loved this poem. |
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Sue Member
since 1999-08-04
Posts 383France |
A simply wonderful metaphor, a very wise message, all packed up, as usual, in a brilliant poem. Thank you, Balladeer. |
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Sally S. Senior Member
since 1999-06-07
Posts 847Ohio |
Balladeer, You weave your words so well and always have a message to send in your work. Thank you for helping me strive for better work from myself. "Nobody does it better...." |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
As clever as you think I am with words, I am not clever enough to describe the appreciation that I feel from your comments. Please know that it is there....in spades. |
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aziza Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy! |
May I print this poem and just keep it on hand? You know, I think we all could use a dose of reading it now and then. I really enjoy your poetry - You make me smile; you make me think; and sometimes, I feel a bit of a tear. I am glad to be reading your poems and the poems of so many others who have been here for so long. Alison |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
aziza, my poems are very pleased to have your eyes on them. Of course you may print it out....I'm honored |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
The best thing about your poetry is it is never old. Love this one also. "late" |
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Zaineb Junior Member
since 2009-05-22
Posts 27Denmark |
It is soo true, when the criminal escape, and his victims are in pain, is it also the guard that will feel the guilt. He must be thinking all te time, i wish i never let him escape. It say so much about this matter. I have never thought it in this way really really nice |
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Klassy Lassy Member Elite
since 2005-06-28
Posts 2187Oregon |
I love this, Balladeer, and the true consciousness behind them. It's full of heart. It doesn't matter that tears sometimes roll when love happens. The glow is healing, revealing, and heart stealing.  latearrival could not be more right, your words are timeless. ~ KL |
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Poetal Member
since 2009-11-09
Posts 74Texas, United States |
A great story line and good writing. I like the rhyme scheme second and last lines rhyme but you could do better by working the first and third lines as well to rhyme. I would tighten up the thoughts and give it better rhythm. AL Inmon |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Poetal, you managed to select three of the worst poems I had written way back when. They were written more as messages to people for specific reasons rather than poetic excellence but I thank you for your advice. |
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Rosebud1229 Senior Member
since 2000-04-05
Posts 1813North Carolina |
magnficent sometimes we let the worst slip by us and whoops you did, but sometimes you can't help the clever disguise |
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Maxthefloydfan New Member
since 2010-02-06
Posts 2WB,India |
A very nice 1!!! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
My thanks to you both. Maxthefloydfan, welcome to Passions! I hope you enjoy your stay |
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markd New Member
since 2010-02-23
Posts 4 |
very quirky,what an insight. |
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Klassy Lassy Member Elite
since 2005-06-28
Posts 2187Oregon |
Just the slightest twinge of sarcasm or a negative connotation may open the door to an entire war. How many times I have been cautioned to stand porter at the door of thought, when I should have given that directive a more blantant meaning to think before I speak.... This poem may not be what you consider the best of your form, my Balladeer friend, but you couldn't have written one that has more of an impact in truth. Thoughts are the bow, words the arrow, and they have tremendous power. So why not used them to heal instead of harm?  K Lassy |
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Alejandro New Member
since 2010-05-29
Posts 6 |
i really felt like i could relate to this, thanks for that |
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