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Skyfyre
Senior Member

since 1999-08-15

Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap

0 posted 1999-08-15 10:55 PM

I hear the whispers of many years behind me;
Eons, ages, beyond my own ...
Feeling things I never hoped to feel
Knowing - what I could not have known.
Where am I?
My mind reels with impossible images
That the mind never knew but the soul remembers.
Lost in the void, between worlds, between realities --
Here, but lingering there, afar.
My reflection in a pool of still water
But the face
Is not my own.
Who am I?
Dancing barefoot in dew-laced grass
Twirling, twirling beneath the velvet sky
Dizzy; firelight flickers on features
Of a face that is not my own.
My nostrils filled with the heady scent
Of the wood burning -- I feel the caress
Of the fire's warmth upon my skin --
Or taste the delicious chill
Of fragrant autumn air, in a place
I have never been.
Twirling, twirling, beneath the moonlit sky.
Or running, laughing,
The dappled forest a blur as it rushes past me,
Wind that blows the hair away
From the face that is not my own.
The crunch of leaves beneath unslippered feet,
The ache of laughter in my belly
And of air in my lungs.
Tumbling in the leaf-strewn carpet
Rolling, laughing,
Echoing as I awaken
A tear that lingers in the eye
Of this face - it is my own.

(I don't write much free verse. I would appreciate an honest evaluation of this piece. Thanks!)

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

1 posted 1999-08-15 11:28 PM

Afraid I am not qualified to critique free verse, either, but I do know what I like. This writing, for instance...a good case for reincarnation and/or deja vu. Well done.

elvira
Senior Member

since 1999-07-06

Posts 936
California

2 posted 1999-08-16 01:57 AM

Welcome to the forums, nochtdraco

...for constructive criticism, try posting in "critical analysis"

Sue
Member

since 1999-08-04

Posts 383
France

3 posted 1999-08-16 02:33 AM

Just lovely, the words flow so smoothly and carry the reader with them.

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

4 posted 1999-08-16 08:17 AM

I, too, seldom write free verse - but you've done a very good job here.... Content and use of imagery are the keys to effective free verse - and you seem to have a good handle on that....

------------------
Nay, if our wits run the Wild-Goose chase, I am done:
For thou hast more of the Wild-Goose in one of thy wits,
Than I am sure I have in my whole five.
~ ²1592 Wm. Shakespeare ~ Romeo & Juliet ~ ii. iv. 75

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

5 posted 2002-01-14 10:31 AM

This moved me so much. Thank you.

Kathleen--(Kay)
A true friend does not love you for who you are, but in spite of who you are." -- Caroline Tran

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