Almost a sonnet? (comments/criticism welcome!)

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Open Poetry #1

Almost a sonnet? (comments/criticism welcome!)

Skyfyre
Senior Member

since 1999-08-15

Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap

0 posted 1999-08-15 09:53 PM

Thou, love, a child of fickle humour art;
Thy nature is a mystery to me --
Upon an hour, thou Heaven's boon may be --
Upon the next, a malady of heart.

So how am I, a stranger to thy way,
To recognize thy delicate pretense,
To know the shield, the adequate defense,
That might thy felling stroke and conquest stay?

I trust thee not, tho' thou alone impart
The bliss that only dearest dreams may be:
For thou art better versed in cruelty
Than in the kinder virtues of the heart!

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

1 posted 1999-08-15 10:51 PM

Welcome! I liked this one as I'm a fan of Shakespearan verse. I read it out load and it flowed beautifully!

Skyfyre
Senior Member

since 1999-08-15

Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap

2 posted 1999-08-15 10:57 PM

Thank you DeVine, I appreciate the compliment ... I have been searching for a finishing couplet for this one for years, but thus far it has eluded me ...

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

3 posted 1999-08-15 11:25 PM

Oh,grand deceiver, show thyself to me
Unveil the cloak that hides thy mystery.

(or something along those lines?)

An excellent sonnet-minus-two. Your execution and choice of words are flawless.

Skyfyre
Senior Member

since 1999-08-15

Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap

4 posted 1999-08-16 12:10 PM

Ah, Balladeer ... I'm blushing!

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

5 posted 1999-08-16 07:59 AM

I'm perhaps the biggest sonnet fan at these forums - And I'm really glad to see others attempting them..... More please?...

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.