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Childish Promise
| Open Poetry #1 |
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Childish Promise |
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Lucie Senior Member
since 1999-06-20
Posts 1077Houston 
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The shadow of you that enters my dreams this look in your eyes I don’t know what it means,. The sadness I see fills my heart up with dread your mouth moves, you speak, I can’t hear what you’ve said. You reach out to touch me I can’t feel your hands. I rise up to meet you, but I can’t seem to stand. A tear falls from your eye and rolls down your face. This room seems familiar, yet I don’t know this place. The fear in my heart seems to fill up my chest. My mind is exhausted I can’t seem to rest. Your turning to leave me, I scream out to you, but you don’t seem to hear me. What do I do? "Don’t leave me," I cry "I’m frightened, please stay." Though I’m screaming to you, you still turn away. Why are you leaving me here all alone? You promised me mama you’d stay, but your gone. 13 years have passed now, I still have this dream. I searched through my soul, still don’t know what it means. The seconds the minutes the hours each day. I reflect on your promise to a child you’d stay. And though I am grown now with kids of my own. There are times in my life I still feel so alone. Its at these times you’ve come to me while I slept. Perhaps its your way to see a promise is kept. [This message has been edited by Lucie (edited 08-13-99).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Lucille Dobbins - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Lucie, perhaps, Keep that thought, the last two lines. Wonderfully written. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
This is very powerful, Lucie, woven very nicely together....beginning, middle and end. |
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Lucie Senior Member
since 1999-06-20
Posts 1077Houston |
Thank you both for responding. Most of my poems come from my heart and life experience as most peoples do. I appreciate your praises. |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
A very powerful read! Nightmarish and sad, yet with a touch of hope towards the end. It also has something to say about being more honest with our children concerning the realities of this life, how providing false hope can be more detrimental than comforting. Thank you for sharing what seems to be a very personal matter. |
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poohbear Junior Member
since 1999-08-02
Posts 42piedmont,sc |
ver nicely writtten , certaily hits home |
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Delores Hall Member
since 1999-07-16
Posts 342USA |
Lucie I know what you are going through.I lost my mother at the age of five. Though not in the same way.It leaves a emptiness in your heart.Longing for a mother that is not there. At least she is in your dreams. |
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pen of passion Member
since 1999-08-11
Posts 234 |
That was very good, the story and the rhymes. |
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Lucie Senior Member
since 1999-06-20
Posts 1077Houston |
Thank you all for responding. Sometimes the anniversary of an event will bring reflection. Its always at this time of year that she is strongest in my mind and in my heart. It helps to express that loss in my words. |
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elvira Senior Member
since 1999-07-06
Posts 936California |
my heart goes out to you, {{{{{Lucie}}}}}...i wrote a similar poem "a little girl"...though my mother left in a different fashion, i believe you and i share the same sort of pain |
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juanita Member
since 1999-08-13
Posts 68Los Angeles, CA, USA |
Lucy, your poem brought tears to my eyes. you did a wonderful job. |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
That was very honestly written. I liked it. Thank you for sharing it with me.  |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
wow...that's good |
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| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
