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The First
| Open Poetry #1 |
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The First |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
You are the first to love more than my rhyme. Most everyone is here just for my verse. I suffer from the ravages of time. Burned or alone I don't know which is worse. You are the first to talk to me this way. I think that I'm seen as deaf, dumb, and blind. No one else helps me with my life's disarray. Daily and nightly you are on my mind. You are the first to take hold of my heart. I share with you every part of my life. Despite what you see you've stayed from the start. You've pushed aside the mask hiding my strife. I'll let you see my dark soul at it's worst. You know in that as well you are the first. ©1999 DreamEvil ------------------ Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings? DreamEvil© |
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| © Copyright 1999 DreamEvil - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
I don't know what to say....thank you ------------------ "Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with." *Mark Twain* |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
DE: That sounds like a "first" worth keeping around! *S* When you find someone with whom you can share the good, the bad, the joy, and the ugly... hold on! |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Good one, sir. But you know the old saying: "you can't be first but you could be next!" Is there a waiting list?  |
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Gentle Soul Member
since 1999-07-12
Posts 273Vinton,Ohio USA |
this is a good one  *hugs* I like it too.. you are such a good poet DE------------------ Gënt£ë¤§°û£ |
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~one voice~ Senior Member
since 1999-07-08
Posts 664Billings, MT USA |
Beautiful sonnet! ------------------ ~onevoice~ "She looked at her life like lines, never-ending, constantly forming, reforming and bending." |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
For me? Shouldn't have. haha You have some great passion in your work. Sure wish I could write like this. Great Job! |
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Dragoness Senior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 513 |
Well done! I loved it! ------------------ Set you heart free and your mind will follow. |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
I'm not the expert on sonnets around here (Nan?), but this piece did not have it. Sincere message perhaps, but spend more time on structure. If you write free verse, look for flow and conveyance of feeling, if you are writing rhyme then work of meter, timeing and all that other structure stuff. ------------------ Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. JP |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
For some reason I feel compelled, once in awhile,to write a piece like this. It takes quite an inspiration to write from a perspective that is less than dark, which could explain the roughness of it I suppose. |
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