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Open Poetry #1

forever is to long

amber
Member

since 1999-06-15

Posts 240
los banos, ca,

0 posted 1999-06-18 01:41 AM

things change over time,
you just realize,
tears fade, people die,
and heartaches build the way,
theres nothing to say,
so you lie,
it becomes useless to play,
eventually youll fade away,
your taught to behave,
instead you cry,
it tiresome to try,
so you begin to search,
for something perfect,
faliure hurts,
so defy it, become what you are,
let pain cry for once,
try to be hard, and give up on love,
sometimes its not enough,
to keep you above,
drown only in silence,
it shatters,
to much resistance,
and nothing matters,
live with your actions,
change your mind,
to many distractions,
lie behind,
my soul, truly to much to know,
its useless so let it go,
dont go through it,
believe in your dreams,
but make them realistic,
search for what happiness means,
and become a statistic,
be a mother to yourself,
when your so skillfully hurt,
nobody seems to know what youve felt,
or value your self worth,
never say your sorry,
to someone who breaks your heart,
remember not to worry,
everyone falls apart,
start to pay attention,
when your proven wrong,
but always forget to mention,
that forever is to long.

Alicat
Member Elite

since 1999-05-23

Posts 4094
Coastal Texas

1 posted 1999-07-31 05:51 PM

Interesting message treatment, but reading it aloud left me winded...ah, the maligned comma. It all became a very long run-on sentence. Just glad of the period at the end, or I might have kept going.

Also noticed a very subtle rhyme scheme. But it is loose and not constructed, so I will assume this is free verse. And if it is, then I shall not critique the inner content treatment.

But, for a rant, it is very good.

Alicat

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