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Betrayal
| Open Poetry #1 |
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Betrayal |
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~one voice~ Senior Member
since 1999-07-08
Posts 664Billings, MT USA |
Excuse me, for I must inquire: is this friendship true? If not, they why pretend? Do you think it betters you? Your betrayal is a ritual. The shock is now all gone. So throw out all the lies that I’ve been hearing for so long. Stop it with the back-stabbing and say it to my face! And you won’t be the first one as to whom I’ve lost my place. I can’t stand your pity-party. Stop your little games! You think you are so unique, but you are just the same. Don’t give me bad excuses, it’s a waste of precious time. I have come to realize your friendship’s not worth a dime. You better not annoy me with your frivolous defence, for the price will be humility all at your own expense! The presence of your shallowness insults my sense of being. So quickly now, get lost- so that with you I won’t be seen. Tell me where you get the nerve to label ME as fake... This narrow-minded view of yours is oh, but a mistake. What incentive do you have that you have used judge me? Do you realize that your hollow soul a judge can never be? I must not condone you for capturing my thought. You anger me, you frustrate me, but that’s all of me you’ve got. You lost the battle to begin with for your depth cannot be learned. You must surpass internal wars for strength is something earned. So nod that "Barbie" head of yours if I’ve made myself clear. (Your shallow blindness is subconsciously cowering in fear.) You haven’t one idea just how fake you have become. Oh, you poor, lost, shallow soul... Your war has just begun. ©1997 ~one voice~ (if anyone has any comments to help me out with the rhythm, here, please let me know! Thank you.) ------------------ ~onevoice~ "I never kissed somebody so that they would break my heart." |
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| © Copyright 1999 ~one voice~ - All Rights Reserved | |||
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Excellent! I loved the flow of the poem, drew me in nicely. I've liked this one from the first read. [This message has been edited by DreamEvil (edited 07-25-99).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
one voice, this is excellent. I could feel the anger and emotion come from this poem and a sincereness and determination in your words. I will mail you the flow corrections but the poem is well done! |
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Ohme Senior Member
since 1999-07-17
Posts 816Texas |
I enjoyed it very much. I like the sense of survival. Thanks |
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Delores Hall Member
since 1999-07-16
Posts 342USA |
I knew someone like that.Didn't like her very much.Tried to stay away from her.But she beat me to the punch. |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Reading this really helped me feel some relief - I have someone like this in my present situation - Feeling you vent on Barbie helped me vent on my Barbie!!! Ah what a relief, thank you !! (smile) ------------------ - poet FemmeFatale "The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone..." Henrik Ibsen (1826-1906) Norwegian dramatist lyric poet |
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Colin Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596Callington, Cornwall, England |
I really liked this. The emotions, the anger and hurt felt show through very strongly. To me, it brought to mind sitting in a room all alone thinking about what you would really LOVE to say to someone who has used you, but you know you won't ever say because it's just not worth it. As to the rhythm, "flow" isn't just a matter of rhythm alone and your words flow very well, leading the reader on nicely. |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Wonderful!! I must say that I truly understand where you are coming from. Excellent job.  ------------------ *Krista Knutson* "It's a crazy thing, fate has perfect wings..."-Deanna Carter |
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