»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #1
»
a future??
| Open Poetry #1 |
|
a future?? |
|
|
KTrail99 Junior Member
since 1999-07-15
Posts 14 |
In a world without boundaries No one can hear The pain in the children's cries Few can bear The acts and deeds That make us cringe We sow the seeds Of a society on the fringe People hide and look away When a child is in pain Few will step into the fray To many, seem insane Cannot live too long this way Our future is at stake Put our children first this day It is the only decision we should make [This message has been edited by KTrail99 (edited 07-16-99).] |
||
| © Copyright 1999 KTrail99 - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
tori Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 520Mechanicsville, Maryland, USA |
Such a powerful message here ... good job! I'm thinking!! My only suggestion is to make (childs cries) plural by childrens cry Should try to end in rhyme, Let me know what you come up with Really good message with strong verse Keep the keybords burning... And please come help me sometime... :-) I need all the help I can get... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ If with pen in hand I've made you think I've not wasted one drop of ink vlh. |
||
|
KTrail99 Junior Member
since 1999-07-15
Posts 14 |
Thanks for the info tori, your right about the change it does sound better. ..i will try to change the ending also  |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||