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~words~
| Open Poetry #1 |
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~words~ |
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tori Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 520Mechanicsville, Maryland, USA |
How words play a major part when one has a broken heart When love an friendship takes its flight We find ourselves at unreachable heights Never quite knowing just what went wrong Like when the tape is over but the song goes on Questions of wonder fill our minds, never finding an end, not aware of time why, what, and what ever, could, might, was, when. Never an answer will come to this end Our hearts strong an wild recharge as they will Yet never knowing of what they lost still In time we go onward, are minds find a blank New love and friendships we have to thank With flame less passion we act the part For its loves treasured sorrows that holds our hearts In twilight's dark embers the thoughts live on In memory of what is gone why, what, and what ever, could, might, was, when. Never an answer will come to this end Just comes to our senses to hurt us again Dreams of the making, we get carried away To a place sweet as heaven and what may have been why, what, and what ever, could, might, was, when. If only we had said them, right there an then As easy as they come to mind, how hard the right ones are to find Oh, how words play a major part, when one has a broken heart. Tori 1998 [This message has been edited by tori (edited 07-09-99).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Victoria Hosier/tori - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jfreak Member
since 1999-06-17
Posts 306Yuma, AZ, USA |
this line: But in twilight's dark embers the thought will live on Is the only thing i find disappoiting about this poem. It doesn't fit into the rhyme scheme. It is as if it is just dropped in there for no reason. I know it is to finish the point you are trying to make but maybe you could expound your thought to form two extra lines. Kind of like shakespeare does. You know. He uses 500 words to describe suicide or love. Just expound a little so it will completely fit. Other than that one line, this is a great poem. I love it. Tori it is obvious you have a great talent. You keep on pushing for greatness and I can't wait to see what else you have for us here. Thank you. Jfreak [This message has been edited by jfreak (edited 07-09-99).] |
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tori Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 520Mechanicsville, Maryland, USA |
Thank you J. This is the reason I post my poetry here to get the drive to make it better.. Thanks for the direction.. Now lets see if I get lost...lol Tori |
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