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hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

0 posted 1999-09-12 10:06 PM

(I'm a little unsure about this one)

I Lay Me Down

Now I lay me down to sleep
In a lovers sleep tonight
I pray that in your arms you’ll keep
Me safe till morning light
And if you leave before I wake
My love it be not true
I pray my heart, with you, you take
For it belongs to you

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"The role of the writer is not to say what we can all say, but what we are unable to say." ~Anais Nin

[This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 09-13-99).]

johnt300
Member

since 1999-09-12

Posts 214
san diego, ca.

1 posted 1999-09-12 10:09 PM

Very nice poem. Very sensual and nicely constructed within the prayer. Thanks again.
Tyson

IsabelleSkye
Member

since 1999-06-27

Posts 253

2 posted 1999-09-12 10:12 PM

*sigh*
this was wonderful
I.Skye

Pepper
Member Elite

since 1999-08-19

Posts 3079
Southern Florida

3 posted 1999-09-12 10:12 PM

lovely

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May your days be filled with lots of sunshine and your nights lit up by golden moonbeams

Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

4 posted 1999-09-12 10:13 PM

What do you mean, you're unsure? I love it.

------------------
*Elizabeth*

"Dwelt a maid belov'd and cherish'd by high and low,
But with autumn leaf she perish'd, long time ago..."

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

5 posted 1999-09-12 10:30 PM

Very sweet!

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Denise

WhtDove
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-22

Posts 9245
Illinois

6 posted 1999-09-12 10:55 PM

Hoot, you don't know about this one???

Very nice it is! Nice touch to a prayer!

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

7 posted 1999-09-13 12:00 PM

This is nice! Just a few suggestions, the line "Disappearing like morning dew" breaks the rhythm a bit. And also, take away the word "now" in the last line, it will flow a bit better. (just a suggestion) Great poem! I'm becoming a fan of your work.

Angel Rand
Member

since 1999-09-04

Posts 134
London UK, and Zurich Switzerland

8 posted 1999-09-13 12:16 PM

Oh my gosh Hoot!! This is sooo beautiful!
Ty!
Angel

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

9 posted 1999-09-13 08:38 AM

Thank you all for your response to this, I almost didn't post it, but rather put it with the stack of work that I think I'll get back to someday because I don't really like the way they turned out, but as time passes, the stack only grows. I wrote this in the car yesterday while driving and almost threw it out actually. So thanks for making me take a second look.

Master, I appreciate the suggestions thank you!

------------------
"The role of the writer is not to say what we can all say, but what we are unable to say." ~Anais Nin

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

10 posted 1999-09-13 04:11 PM

Personally I like the flow much better! *S*

Iloveit
Senior Member

since 1999-09-02

Posts 1121
NM

11 posted 1999-09-13 04:50 PM

well, I didn't get the before and after versions, but loved what I read, beautiful!

LngJhnAg
Member Elite

since 1999-07-23

Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion

12 posted 1999-09-13 04:57 PM

The woman I passed in the next car,
Was weaving from side to side.
I figured she wouldn't get very far,
With the poetry she was trying to write.

She ran three cyclists off the road,
As she pondered the next line or two.
Then she sideswiped a truck with load,
As she decided her poem was through.

And then she stacked her new lines,
Upon a stack of other poems,
Waved at all of the motorist hand signs,
As she continued on to her home.

She is the wandering poetess,
And she's a terror on the street.
Her name is the lovely Hootess,
And she's the gal we want to meet.

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

13 posted 1999-09-13 05:11 PM

Thanks Master and Iloveit

Long John...I am a careful driver...have learned well the art of writing and driving at the same time. Isn't that what they created the airbags on the steering wheel for....to be used as desktops while driving

Thanks for your rhyme...it made me smile!!

------------------
"This world is not conclusion.
A sequel stands beyond,
Invisable as music,
But positive as sound."
~Emily Dickinson

Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

14 posted 1999-09-13 05:57 PM

I like the new version Hoot! (you did edit it didn't you?) Anyway, once again, it's beautiful.

------------------
*Elizabeth*

"Dwelt a maid belov'd and cherish'd by high and low,
But with autumn leaf she perish'd, long time ago..."

Andrew Scott
Member Elite

since 1999-06-24

Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA

15 posted 1999-09-13 07:04 PM

Lady Hoot: Simple and lovely! Glad you chose to share.

Angel_of_Music
Junior Member

since 1999-07-25

Posts 35
Sanger, TX USA

16 posted 1999-09-13 07:16 PM

me too, it was beautiful

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"In sleep he sang to me...in dreams he came...that voice which calls to me, and speaks my name..."

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

17 posted 1999-09-13 10:19 PM

Thank you all

Yes Elizabeth, it is edited

------------------
"This world is not conclusion.
A sequel stands beyond,
Invisable as music,
But positive as sound."
~Emily Dickinson

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