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rogen of the night
Junior Member

since 1999-09-07

Posts 29

0 posted 1999-09-12 04:49 AM

As I drift into the bottomless pit
known as sleep
The last few images on my mind
Are of you and the times we spent together,
You resting in my arms like a newborn child
Resting in its mothers arms
Crying for fear of being released.

But just like the baby
You left my arms after time
Leaving me afraid and scared
As I stood back watching you from a far
Hoping you will make all the right choices in life
And the doubts you have for your self
Will pass in time.

((thank you all for taking the time to read please leave a post letting me know what you think))

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The wise man is the storm prays God,not for safety from danger,but for deliverance from fear.It is the storm within which endangers him,not the storm without.
~~Ralh Waldo Emerson~~

[This message has been edited by rogen of the night (edited 09-13-99).]

U K Hero
Member

since 1999-08-08

Posts 266
England

1 posted 1999-09-12 01:42 PM

I hope you take this in the manner it is intended.
Personally ( and I know others would disagree to some degree ) I would make just a slight change in the layout …. Thus

As I drift into the bottomless pit
known as sleep
The last few images on my mind
Are of you and the times we spent together,
You resting in my arms like a newborn child
Resting in its mothers arms
Crying for fear of being released.

But just like the baby
You left my arms after time
Leaving me afraid and scared
As I stood back watching you from a far
Hoping you will make all the right choices in life
And the doubts you have for your self
Will pass in time.

(and yes I enjoyed it)

caroline
Senior Member

since 1999-08-16

Posts 1218
http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm

2 posted 1999-09-12 01:55 PM

Rogen it is a wonderful piece of work, and I agree with UK Hero, the format helps add emphasis to your words. Your poem is an unusual vision, I quite like it.

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The only man worth your tears will never make you cry...

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

3 posted 1999-09-12 01:59 PM

Ditto! Very enjoyable! Ditto the format change too!

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Denise

rogen of the night
Junior Member

since 1999-09-07

Posts 29

4 posted 1999-09-13 05:18 AM

Thank you all and U K Hero I agree now that I go back and look at it the format makes it a lot better the way you said.Thanx everyone

------------------
The wise man is the storm prays God,not for safety from danger,but for deliverance from fear.It is the storm within which endangers him,not the storm without.
~~Ralh Waldo Emerson~~

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