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Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

0 posted 1999-09-09 09:42 PM

Deceptive love dissolves and dies
Disheartened heart demands love’s proof
In deep despair I seek advice
Determined on detecting truth

My pride deprives me from the doubts
And dares me to defend my dreams
The night denies its role and flouts
As dreary star deforms and dims

My soul decays, drunk with depression
I’m driven downward where I sink
I dread the drama of obsession
Which only dreams and love could bring

------------------
I fell in love and kept on falling

[This message has been edited by Master (edited 09-09-99).]

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

1 posted 1999-09-09 09:50 PM

Nicely written....very smooth, it almost sings in it's rhythym, I like that.

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"Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

2 posted 1999-09-09 10:44 PM

Thanks hoot! How do you like the third stanza I've just added?

WhtDove
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-22

Posts 9245
Illinois

3 posted 1999-09-09 10:49 PM

This flowed! And I did like your 3rd stanza. drunk with depression, that sums it up well.

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

4 posted 1999-09-09 11:28 PM

Thanks White Dove! I'm glad you liked it.

------------------
I fell in love and kept on falling

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

5 posted 1999-09-10 12:38 PM

any more comments?

DBeth
Member

since 1999-09-09

Posts 110
providence,ky.42450

6 posted 1999-09-10 12:49 PM

It comes from the heart and whispers to the soul.Good job!!

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Pepper
Member Elite

since 1999-08-19

Posts 3079
Southern Florida

7 posted 1999-09-10 12:59 PM

moving...very well written,Master

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May your days be filled with lots of sunshine and your nights lit up by golden moonbeams

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

8 posted 1999-09-10 02:34 PM

Master...again it sings in it's rhythm. The flow so utterly smooth, like glass. I can relate to what you say about depression coming from love and dreams. We hold such high expectations of both and should they fail to meet what we expect of them...ah yes, very wise words there.
"My soul decays, drunk with depression
I’m driven downward where I sink
I dread the drama of obsession
Which only dreams and love could bring"

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

9 posted 1999-09-10 05:36 PM

THanks everybody. Hoot, that's also my favorite stanza, brings more reality to the poem in a way. I'm glad you liked it.

------------------
I fell in love and kept on falling

caroline
Senior Member

since 1999-08-16

Posts 1218
http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm

10 posted 1999-09-10 09:42 PM

I like it too

The line "I dread the drama of obsession" is particulary good.

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The only man worth your tears will never make you cry...

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

11 posted 1999-09-10 10:51 PM

Thanks! Did I ever tell you before that I like your signature?

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

12 posted 1999-09-10 11:01 PM

Another masterpiece,Master!

------------------
Denise

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

13 posted 1999-09-10 11:45 PM

Thanks Denise!

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