»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #2
»
I Died For Love
| Open Poetry #2 |
|
I Died For Love |
|
|
DBeth Member
since 1999-09-09
Posts 110providence,ky.42450 |
In a park where I dwelt I met a man I knew so well.He came and stole my heart from me.Now that man has set me free.He sat a girl upon his knee and told her things he never told me.I ran home to my bed and told my father nothing was said.In my room which in he broke, he found me hanging from a rope."Daughter dear what have you done ?" You've killed yourself for one man's son. Dig my grave and dig it deep, marble stone from head to feet.And on my stone place a dove,to show the world I DIED FOR LOVE. |
||
| © Copyright 1999 DBeth - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Very tragic, yet very unusual. I enjoyed this style.  ------------------ Denise |
||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Welcome to the family! Here's where the family gets interesting.. I didn't like the style......the poem was good, but I'm an old fashioned reader and like format, I guess. This is not criticism just comment.......  |
||
|
Star Fairy 2 Member
since 1999-09-06
Posts 260cerritos, california, usa |
I've read this like 20 times. Those feelings of giving up because of lost love keep coming back, but there are many more things to live for in life than there are to die for. ------------------ "If to rectify your demeanor, You must imitate another, Your philosiphy on morality Is a burden on your mentality, Your actions based on popularity, Will never fulfill you internally, Cuz the world was not blessed with equality, But rather with fake geniality. --823-- |
||
|
hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
I like the message behind this very much and am absolutely floored by the last four lines...they are wonderful. I've taken the liberty of adjusting the format and adding a few words here and there, just a suggestion. I'm still not real comfortable with lines 5&6, but really don't have any suggestions for them at this point. Like I said, the message behind this one is a good one...nicely done. In a park near where I dwell, I met a man I knew so well. He came and stole my heart from me. Now that man has set me free. He sat a girl upon his knee, Told her things he never told me. I ran home to my bed, Told my father nothing was said. In my room which in he broke, He found me hanging from a rope. "Daughter dear what have you done ? You've killed yourself for one man's son." Dig my grave and dig it deep, Marble stone from head to feet. And on my stone please place a dove, To show the world I DIED FOR LOVE. ------------------ "Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald [This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 09-09-99).] |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||