the last poem for the first love

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roxane
Senior Member

since 1999-09-02

Posts 505
us

0 posted 1999-09-05 01:42 AM

Like watching a child die
When you see the pain youth brings
Like watching the world end
Through misery, your light heart sings
You leave me now darling
On such terrible, bitter terms
And though you hear crying
You scoff "I guess she never learns."
My heart does not stop
Though you cast into it such stones
What is it you always said?
That words can never break my bones
I couldn't give you prose my dear,
And you may think me so unjust.
Here's a simple boring pattern,
Since I so "betrayed your trust."
Like our last kiss on that stair
Our lips never did touch
My heart is not even in this poem
It's really not that much.
If I never loved you,
If I treated you so badly,
Then this poem's as awful as me
And I leave you none too sadly.

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"Come night, come darkness, for you cannot come too soon or stay too long in such a place as this." Charles Dickens

roxane

Julie
Senior Member

since 1999-08-20

Posts 739
Houston, TX

1 posted 1999-09-05 01:46 AM

You had good rhythm here and a story
many, including myself can relate.
Kids are tough but we are tougher.

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Julie
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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
Marianne Williamson

roxane
Senior Member

since 1999-09-02

Posts 505
us

2 posted 1999-09-05 11:28 AM

Thank you for the comment. It was much appreciated.

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"Come night, come darkness, for you cannot come too soon or stay too long in such a place as this." Charles Dickens

roxane

Wolfgang
Member

since 1999-05-24

Posts 124
Hamilton, Ont. Canada

3 posted 1999-09-05 11:42 AM

Got to say, I really like this poem.
It has a bounty of great lines but the one that would hurt me most (if I were the one you talk about in your poem) is: "I couldn't give you prose my dear".
Well done.

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

4 posted 1999-09-05 12:11 PM

I agree with Wolf. For me, it's the vision of ....the last kiss where the lips didn't even touch. Very well written....as is the title.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

5 posted 1999-09-05 12:19 PM

roxane,
I agree with Wolf and balladeer
In this I am quite sincere
Great poem.

rogen of the night
Junior Member

since 1999-09-07

Posts 29

6 posted 1999-09-07 08:09 PM

I agree with them Roxane the poem is very good.Its something we all have been through at least once in our life.

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The wise man is the storm prays God,not for safety from danger,but for deliverance from fear.It is the storm within which endangers him,not the storm without.
~~Ralh Waldo Emerson~~

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