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Jim Raynor
Member

since 1999-09-19

Posts 63
Churubusco Indiana USA

0 posted 1999-09-19 07:31 PM

ask your self one questions
and than tell your self
one thing that question and that thing is

"am i strong enough?
of course i am, no fear no hatred, no broken hearts, no tears,
could keep me away from the rest of my life"

my torn up heart flying through the sky
wont stop me

the only thing any one ever really
needs or wants is some one to love and

eventually you find some one
that you can love and that person can love you and

you never will have to shed a tear have hatred or fear in your heart again

and your heart is once again complete.

-Jim P.S.when ever your feeling broken hearted try doing this.
this one i just came up with.(thats funny you can still get a broken heart but
remember theres some one for every one.

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$*%Jim Raynor%*$

CSwtThng
Member

since 1999-07-28

Posts 124

1 posted 1999-09-19 07:34 PM

Never give up and one day you will reach your goals. Good work Jim.

Jim Raynor
Member

since 1999-09-19

Posts 63
Churubusco Indiana USA

2 posted 1999-09-20 05:43 PM

i seem to be getting better at this poet stuff eh owl

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$*%Jim Raynor%*$

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

3 posted 1999-09-20 05:46 PM

Starting to get the hang of it now Jim....want another sugestion on this one though?

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"In the depths of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer" ~Albert Camus

Jim Raynor
Member

since 1999-09-19

Posts 63
Churubusco Indiana USA

4 posted 1999-09-20 05:54 PM

any suggestion from you is fine with me remember im only 13 so im not to good at this stuff yet

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$*%Jim Raynor%*$

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

5 posted 1999-09-20 06:05 PM

Jim....I had no idea you were only 13, you have a long time to improve your skills and you are doing wonderful for your age. There are many people on this site that would be more than eadger to help a budding young poet.
This is what I might suggest for this one, again, I've deleted a few repetitive words and changed the format just a bit, but I have changed none of the poems meaning, only made it a bit more readable for the reader

ask your self one question
then tell your self one thing
the question,
"am i strong enough?"
the answer,
"of course i am,
no fear, no hatred,
no broken hearts, no tears,
could keep me away from the rest of my life"

my torn up heart
flying through the sky
won't stop me

the only thing any one ever really needs
or wants
is some one to love

eventually you find some one
that you can love
and that person can love you

you'll never have to shed a tear,
have hatred or fear
in your heart again

and your heart is once again
complete

------------------
"In the depths of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer" ~Albert Camus

beowulf_26
Member

since 1999-06-29

Posts 183

6 posted 1999-09-20 09:46 PM

Heed wise owl's words. Kudos my friend. Being only 17 myself I can identify what it feels like to be a youngun in this board. I would suggest staying here for a while as you will grow much faster. Just my 2 cents.

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Opinions are like bellybuttons: eveybody's got 'em and they're good for nothing.

Jim Raynor
Member

since 1999-09-19

Posts 63
Churubusco Indiana USA

7 posted 1999-09-22 05:40 PM

thanks for the replys and owl thanks for the help

-Jim Raynor

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$*%Jim Raynor%*$

Jim Raynor
Member

since 1999-09-19

Posts 63
Churubusco Indiana USA

8 posted 1999-09-22 08:44 PM

Hey owl your right that looks like it would look a lot better

------------------
$*%Jim Raynor%*$

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