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Letter to My Biological Mother
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Letter to My Biological Mother |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC 
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Guys, this is the first time I've ever written prose. Please give me feedback and some constructive critism. I would be most appreciate, thank you. For the record this is a true story and was hard for me to write. But I am glad I did. Thanks! Becky At night sometimes I still see your face. Why? After seventeen years, why do I even care anymore. You are my birth mother so what? You gave me up, I have a new life now. That chapter is forever closed, only for some reason it's not. It's apparent you don't really think of me. You haven't tried to find me or have you. There are many people who would try to stop that from happening. So many things I remember. Some good mostly bad. I remember late nights being awake in my bed. Blue lights would stream through the windows as I held a sobbing little girl in my arms. I was only a little girl myself. I would hold her tight and say "shhh lin it will be alright, someday." I remember the fights and HIM always pushing you, kicking you, punching you. Oh those fights, sometimes I can still hear the screams. I can still hear them even on a peaceful summer day such as today, seventeen years later. Why? But then I also remember some of the good times. I remember brushing your long beautiful hair with your special silver brush. Do you remember that? I remember when you use to call me your princess-girl and would tell me you loved me. But HE wouldn't allow that. He controlled you and us. He controlled everything, with his violent temper. I was only a child and there was much I didn't understand. But there was much that I did understand. A little too much I am afraid. A child only of six, but you'd be surprised what children remember and can comprehend. Some things leave permanent scars upon the soul. I remember when you would leave me, in charge of my kid sister. And you would say "I'll be right back." But you and he were gone for days and I sometimes would wish you would never come back. But by day two or three, I didn't wish that anymore. I wouldn't cry for Linda needed me to be strong. She looked at me and I knew she was scared. So was I, but I couldn't act like that in front of her. Then I would hear the rusty car pull into the yard, and you were HOME. My heart would cry with both joy and fear. I was happy for you were back, but I also knew another fight would start soon. I just wanted some quiet, some peace and quiet. Now I am a woman of twenty-three years of age, yet those memories are still with me. I suppose they always be. I remember the day you gave us up. I am sure you do too. Remember I was at the foster house with the girls and you came to see us, to tell us good-bye. You only talked to me though, for you knew they wouldn't understand what you were saying. I did and it was the first time I really cried in front of someone. You touched my hair and said you loved me and then you were gone. Forever. It was as if someone had died. I don't think about that much no more, but late at night sometimes I still see your face. "Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is before you can meet again. And meeting again after a moment or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends." "Fate exists but it can only take you so far, Because once you're there It's up to you to make it happen." |
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| © Copyright 2000 Amy Kennedy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Amy, Im so glad you are trying prose writing. It sometimes offers us a deeper way to express than poetry. Im still learning the "proper" way to write it myself so I dont really feel qualified to critique. and besides Im just too close to you personally to be objective  that being said, you know I am moved by this. Im so sorry you had to live this pain. No child should. But i also know this is a part of what makes you so special and so strong and loving now. You and I know we have to try to find the gold lining and look for the light in the darkenss...so that we can rise above the pain of the past. you and I also know that our writing helps heal our hearts and souls. Im glad you are working thru some of this with your poets pen. take care my friend, love ya JM |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
A very lovely piece of writing, not the circumstances were lovely but that you were able to express your thoughts so fluently about a situation that far too many children have to live through. God bless. |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
Janet thank you for the kind comments and for understanding me. yeah i guess you are too close to me, to critique properly lol...but thank you for responding nonetheless. it means a lot to me. i am finding that i do indeed enjoy this different kind of writing from poetry, though poetry will always be my first love. thanks also for everything elseyou've done for me. you're the best. love ya much, amy septsong... thank you for your comments. yes it is unfortunate, that many kids have been and are in a similar situation that i was in and that many of them much worse. i suppose that is the key reason for my chosen profession, social worker. some thing has to be done about this kind of stuff. thanks again. take care, amy  "Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is before you can meet again. And meeting again after a moment or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends." "Fate exists but it can only take you so far, Because once you're there It's up to you to make it happen." |
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jfreak Member
since 1999-06-17
Posts 306Yuma, AZ, USA |
Amy, Well I must say that you wrote this beautifully, with the exception of a few grammatical errors. But who doesn't get those every now and then? I must say I grew up in a household of extreme abuse. My mom eventually left my father, but it still didn't end there. Plus he wasn't ever around. When he was he was abusive. So it was like I grew up with no father. I never really knew him. I just knew the evil that he allowed to control him. You know? Be blessed and just remember...forgiveness is the key to everything. Once you forgive, if you haven't already, complete healing comes then. God bless, Jfreak |
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MagnoliaBlue Member
since 2000-05-12
Posts 367 |
Amy... This is too close to my beginnings, for me to reply further. Just wanted to say this is great prose and I am sorry for that old pain you have. MagnoliaBlue Pay a visit to: http://cyberageadventures.com You will love it! "A poem is just an expression of my life and heart."*CJB* ~*My Skipper Jim, I love you! Your Lady June*~ |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Keep writing prose. Pour your emotion into it the way you did this, add the imagery and the feeling and don't hold back, even in the worst pain, the writing pours it out like tears, as you did in this one, Amy, you can write! Keep writing, and honesty, honest emotion, from the heart it's what every reader craves. Keep it up!! Kathleen "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of Being and ideal Grace." Elizabeth Barrett Browning |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
I wanted to add, I just turned 50, I have only been writing for 2 years. Had, someone when I was your age said "please write, keep writing, or you can write" it would have added 30 years of joy to my life. No one did., and I have time to make up for. Instead, I absorbed, learned, drew it all in until it comes pouring out. You can do both, absorb, pour it out, and think of the years ahead of you still to come. just wanted to say that! Kathleen "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of Being and ideal Grace." Elizabeth Barrett Browning |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
Irish Rose I am most moved by your words and I humbly Thank You! First off thanks for your encouragement of my work. You have no clue how much it means to me. This particular piece is so much a part of me, that the only way I knew how to write it, was from the heart with raw pure honest emotions. Secondly, thanks ever so much for sharing a part of yourself in your response to my work. Take care and I look forward to reading and sharing work with you. ~Amy~ "Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is before you can meet again. And meeting again after a moment or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends." "Fate exists but it can only take you so far, Because once you're there It's up to you to make it happen." |
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lorilockheart Member
since 2000-05-06
Posts 206Alabama |
Amy, I am not shocked that you can do this too. It's hard to know how to respond except to say that I think your writing is beautiful, and that you have such talent. I know this was hard for you to write, but I think like poetry this gives a certain sense of healing to the soul. I will look forward to more prose from you. Lori ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean. Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens. Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance. And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance - I hope you dance. song by LeeAnn Womack ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Amy, it takes courage to write a true, not to mention heartbreaking, story like this. I admire you for it. And you wrote it very well too ! |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
~Amy~ This brought a tear to my eye. Such a powerful and heart wrenching piece. I commend you for having the courage to post this personal piece! For your first prose, this is exceptionally written and bittersweetly expressed. I am truly sorry that your childhood was painful. Unfortunately I can relate in a sense because my childhood was it's own type of hell. No child should ever live through abuse or be abandoned. I sincerely wish you happiness. The ending is very emotional "but late at night sometimes, I still see your face."If ever you need someone to talk to, my email is [email protected] Take care, Melissa Honeybee |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
Amy~ we seem to have a lot in common. I won't get into details though. PLease cotinue writing prose. I'm soo sorry for the pain you have in your heart, I understand! Love Always ~*~Jessica Lynn~*~ "Love is the product of our discontentment with ourselves." "Bleeding hearts release tears of fire" "work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt,and live everyday as if it's your last" |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
Thank you all for you sweet and understanding replies. This was one of the hardest piece of writings I have ever had to do. I do have a more in depth version coming out soon. I am still working on it soon. though it isn't a letter, it's more like a story. take care! Amy "Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is before you can meet again. And meeting again after a moment or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends." "Fate exists but it can only take you so far, Because once you're there It's up to you to make it happen." |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Aimster, this is a wonderful piece, but it's so sad. I'm so sorry for your past, but the future is brigher, I'm sure! "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Amy* A prose that makes a reader feel the pain, taste the tears and hear the cries....that's what this is, ** Angel Wing Hugs ** Your beginning was one with so many hurts and then you had an angel come and resue you. What a sweet wonderful woman you turned all this hurt into Amy! I never met my biological father despite my desire to do so there are many unanswered questions and it's difficult to let go and move on, I understand and from the looks of it, many others do as well. Thank you for sharing this, I hope you felt some much needed relief after writing this sweetie! |
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SwEeTnSeXy18 Member
since 2000-09-18
Posts 247nc |
Amy, I am glad I got to read this...it is very moving! I unlike you remember nothing. I am sorry it is true no child should have such a scary past. I understand why you have questions. I love you. Lisa ~in order to gain, you have to lose~ |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
Hi Amy! I just wanted to post this to say my thoughts are with you; may God bless you each and every day with love and joy for you have endured far too much pain in life. Thank you for posting this and allowing us a glimpse of your inner being. Don't know how this one got by me before. |
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